Grief is a cold wind blowing
Its ice spreads quickly through the air;
Numbing hands and stinging eyes
Creeping up through veins
Chilling joy to favor despair;
This loss is one of bitter frost.
Its evil a heartbreak we cannot ignore.
My friend; dear child; dear mother;
I have no words to comfort you.
My tears flow freely alongside yours.
I weep for what you have lost.
What bitter pain the cost
For joy you once cautiously sought?
I am still waiting
For your miracle.
Despite what the doctors say
Of a life
For so long I have been certain
That I never did love you.
That so many years were wasted;
My willing ignorance my excuse;
But now I do recall a time,
When I felt more than contempt for you;
I also remember
A betrayal; and how that day
Shaped the rest of our time;
So near the beginning; such a painful crime
My heart shut down that day. It
No longer trusted you. And though
I kept us both ignorant for years from there —
I think I stopped starting to love you
Though I forgave you, I never looked at you the same way
Lord, you are true
If nothing else, this will teach me
How to worship you.
I will praise you
I will trust you
I will not succumb to the dark
I will not give in to my heart, it is false
Your eyes see truth, they see me
Please help me be who you made me to be.
fear still, but a difference now
i embrace reality, the panic dissolves.
i trust the king, and his sovereign reign
i know i am kept and these curtains are
He promises change but it is a phantom
He claims to be different but no fruit ever yields.
Can apples come from a fig tree, or
Grain grow from a dead field?
I am tired in my bones
I have nothing left to sell
My exhaustion, deep and grown
Refuses to let me be still
If nothing changes someone will die
I can’t bear to think of such a
Please change. I’ve lost all faith in you.
I wish I could talk to you, reach out to you once more;
Would it be wrong for me to do so?
Would it be right to yet endure?
I know I could prop you up once more, and
The knitting back together of my own bones is at hand;
I feel sturdy enough to be stepped on again.
It is too bad for you that I have said amen
To such trials. I am not part of your curse
I fear many things, not the least your loss;
Not from me, never from me — a parting I gladly sought —
But from life, less whole than you were meant to be;
From courage, and the ability to see things as they are… truly —
From everything that makes us alive.
I am not convinced what you are living now is a life.
Do you still listen for the bronzed bell?
Tied to a string, evoking my spell
Do you keep it caught to the day when we fell?
Because the minnows feasted
On the bones of the bleeding
The day that the bell rang for you.
If you heard it, I insist that you tell
Dissolve into what you have
Lived to create;
Pour out of my chest! I want none of this
Please do not pour your ink black
In my head.
Let these rioting rains and their drink-greedy grains
Flood the chaosfire drowning my bed.
let me sleep instead
By dawnsleep I dissuade my own riotous flesh
From the mountain it has claimed once again;
And as tangled webs fall, and you break down my walls
I see no safe route for a friend.
Go back, go back; I will not
Be held dear
For this end.