So long now my days have cracked
Slowly now they’ve bent, exactly
When the shattering happened, I can’t
Be sure. But I know my illness grows
With every passing lure. I do not bite
Or worry, or hide
I simply watch with impassive eyes.
The currents drag me along by my skin, but
I don’t care enough to let them in, or
To fight the whirling flow. I
Do not swim, or sink, or float
I simply drown in the undertow, my lungs afloat
Within the pools of pain I try to escape.
Someday maybe I’ll
Breathe air again.
As long as i don’t
I think I’m
I think my heart is
I think my
Slipping away again.
I feel the blood-sail losing its wind
While, numb but
I bite my rigging, sail the lines
Watch the ferrymen dance.
My curling ropes and breaking mast
I pour the orange laughing glass
I break the whirling down to hurting
I SHRIEK LIKE THE WINDS THAT BATTLE THE SAND
Difficult to verbalize,
Impossible to deny.
A growing, gnawing, empty-filling
Real, intense, dependent isolation;
A furiously strong intention.
Expanding truth, aching eyes,
Heavy hearts designed to cry.
This deepening, this flowing flood
This hurtling rush of dizzying blood.
The colors I see are monochromatic to me
Beside your eyes, the oceans I breathe.
There is a gaping loss
Thrumming deep within my lungs
And every half-moment comes
And goes; and sees me crumple most
Every time. I cannot stop
These weeping-eyes, I cannot cry
Any less. I am a mess
But I think this pain
For the best.
your existence sparks my heart
i ache for your embrace, the way we slid into nothingness
silence except for my shivering, the cold biting through my coat
you leaned over, speaking
then you stopped talking and i stopped listening,
you were curled over me, then you pulled me onto you as we breathed and i followed your lead, my fingers curved onto your chest, the memory eludes me, hazy at best
i remember your lips
and your teeth, and your breath
i wish i could feel it again and again
but memories will have to do until we are both
healed and ready