Peace in storms

What kind of lightness is now set into my soul

Where a store of chaos has fallen from its hole?

I crammed in every if and dream

The nightmares singing their trancelike screams…

Now, exposed, they all flood out;

A waterfall of wasted doubt.

Why die to tame the lightning and wind?

Why not instead bind the star within

I cannot control where the air-fire strikes

But my heart? It is mine.

And it shall do as I like.

Fog brain

Thank you for the photos

I’m already forgetting

I journal about our friendship!

If I didn’t, I’d never remember

I love looking back on memories.

It slips away so suddenly

I’m fine, just listening







Fear is

The unwillingness to cut my fingernails

Lest I be without a weapon.

Expecting everyone to hurt me

With every passing second.

Trauma is

Unbridled rage when someone is flippant about the two ton metal monster they command with the twist of a wheel.

Catastrophic thought is

The absolute assurance that someone is dead

When they don’t pick up the phone.

PTSD is not

Being careless with emotions; immature and loud

Over-sensitivity because of insecurity

Or disliking certain sounds

Post traumatic stress is

Sweating through your decaying dreams

Waking to silent, dehydrated screams

Covered in despair, certain the lives in your sleep would still be out there

If not for your own failure.


The inability to face that room

The panic that comes over you

When a movement doesn’t belong; someone’s behavior is jarring or


It’s bracing for blows that may never come

After so many years of not being ready and getting knocked down

You can’t bear the possibility

Of another blindside,

so you

Expect pain

And torment, crime

And death

And blood and fear and trauma

All. The. Time.

In times of trouble

What right have I to lament this life

When each day brings me newness?

Or s person I have never seen

To whom I can show

Your goodness?

What right have I to be so weary

When Your renewal is so free

Why should I be overwhelmed if

Your cup is never empty?

Who am i to grieve myself when You are my ever-present help?

you’re pulling away ever more, evermore

and my heart pauses clearly for the pain i abhor

i know it is coming, it’scomingrightnow

how could you be any more removed from me?

i had no idea the possibilities.


let it be.