Monthly Archives: November 2014

I battle with fear

Absolute
horror.
Panic and fear and tears and penitence.

I am a mistake I am sorry I am nothing I am small I am ashamed I am ugly stupid worthless broken foolish flawed and slow, dying I am dying oh, my God my King my only hope I am so
Very
Afraid

You are whole in me. You are saved. You are SAVED, Child. Stop panicking. Stop fearing. Be fearless. Let my perfect love cast out your fear, let it destroy it, let it fill you with hope and kindness and my love, that you would fill the world with hope again.
Stop crying, Little One. You are mine, now and forever.

I am sorry I am so small I’m sorry please forgive me let me be closer to you, my peace and completion, the ache of my heart is for you.

Be still. I am the LORD your God. The Great I Am, who healed and chose and saved you. Peace, dear one. Peace, frail one. I will never let you fall. You will never be alone.

Anger

I cannot imagine what it would be like to be so enraged that words rattle around inside you
and become knives.

I know that mild anger causes my fingers to tremble for want of an outlet
I know that “mad” has me gripping my hands like they will march off to hurt someone
I know that my very bones seem to shake when I am angry and they want to splinter off into tiny blades that stab me from inside and that would be less painful than the anger;

But I do not know what it is to be enraged at true betrayal, or how incredibly powerful that sort of forgiveness
Must certainly, inherently
be.

blink the light

i feel pressure like an acid stone

curling wisps of fleshy smoke

as all my confidence degrades.

 

i do not know why certain folk

rob my self, make it choke

all i can say are words of aching breath.

 

they blink the light, my lungs go broke

my heart hates itself for all the love.

i do not know you, i can not love you

how could you betray me, my heart

how could you let the affection grow?

 

you persist! i want nothing more than to look beyond this one

let me move on

let me move along

i do not know him, i cannot love him

but Heart declares i should.

i fear {flashback}

i fear
that you will see me here
that you will take three steps back
enraged by what you find
amazed and lost at the same time
i fear
all the things that you could say
but more i fear the game we’ll play
i fear the words that i will stutter
when i’m alone i pretend and i mutter
like i’m speaking to you but when finally we meet
the shouts in my head all suddenly cease
they leave me alone with nothing to speak
i’m totally undefended before your blue eyes
with nothing but memories of the tears that i cried
you brought pain and sorrow and sickness, it’s true
but mostly i fear the thinking you’ll do.
how i wish i could know
the thoughts in your head
about me
alas
i’ll have to pretend
instead.

Danger us

Cold eyes protect me
Sharp lines guard me
Unforgiving harshness, jaws that make themselves known
Sharpness that cuts even from a distance.

Do not look at me
I am commanding.
Do not think about those dangerous thoughts that wheel through your mind like sickening flame
Ignore them. They imperil you.

I am small but aware
I see you watching me, deciding, leering
I freeze the air between us that you would feel the cold, and shiver.

Watch me
I will cleanse the world of you
Do not hurt anyone

Sharp eyes
Cold bones
Dark gaze,
protect me. You know I know. I am frightening, and enraged.

I love you

I think
You are incredible,
And so understandable
And very much dark and beautiful.

But you are also
Irritating and tardy
So very spastic and
Ridiculously introverted
And you do not answer me on time
You are like a very friendly ghost,
Or a snowman that is not quite abominable.

You are an idiot
A fool
Sort of a freak
You love the silly things you pour time into
And I love you,
and that is all there is to it.

Ready, Aim, Fire

Ready, Aim, Fire

The world is not ready for peace.

That is not to say that peace is not wanted or welcome; however the people of this world could never sustain it. Seeing as an entire, wholesome atmosphere of happy feelings and kindness will never pervade the entire Earth, some defenses are in order. That’s right. If you can’t count on somebody else not to hurt your family, then you’ve got to step up and keep them safe. The same goes for lone riders; a single mom has to protect her daughters or sons from the darkness of the world. A college student has to be sure she’s safe walking around campus on her own. Too many women and girls are abducted every day to be raped, murdered, or both. Males aren’t always safe either. People kill, maim, steal and destroy at a moment’s notice, not always giving police time to step up and protect.

This is what incenses me so incredibly when sheltered, opinionated teenagers with their peace decals and salted-caramel frappuccinos insist upon a gun-free society. Newsflash, my sensitive little friend; the world isn’t safe. Ah, yes, you say, the world isn’t safe! Doesn’t that mean we should take away guns? If we make them illegal, won’t the criminals stop using them? Well, as strange as this may sound, criminals don’t usually adhere 100% to the law. In FACT, sometimes they even break the law!

Sarcasm aside, the anti-gun argument is incredibly weak to me. I see no logic in taking the guns from the good guys and leaving the Jokers to run around with their firearms spinning wild. We do not live in a utopian society. This is America! We could never, ever staunch the flow of guns or materials required to create guns entirely enough to ensure the criminal class is without them; at least, not without restricting freedom. Bad men will always conspire to sneak their deadly weapons into the vulnerable places of the world such as churches, elementary schools and airports. If this is the truth, and it is – How could we ever take defense away from the good guys, the heroes, the knights in shining armor?  Imagine a good civilian, armed, for every evil man with a firearm in a theater. It would be really hard for a madman to shoot a child if seven barrels were trained back at him when he drew his gun.

Say America managed to cleanse its veins of gunpowder. Do you suppose psychos would end their homicidal tirades? Aw, gee, Killer, ain’t a gun to be found. Better head home. It’s not like we can bomb, stab, or strangle instead. Guns are the only way to kill people. Jig’s up.

Hardly. People tend to think that if we arm everyone, bullets will fly. I’m not suggesting we arm everyone. I’m suggesting we allow responsible, licensed individuals to carry guns with them throughout society. The chances of a defender in the crowd increase exponentially if we stop trying to disarm honest men and women.

The criminals are arriving armed. The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with one.