Tear the bones out of my chest
Break them apart, bury the rest
Fill my veins with golden ink
And steal the thoughts I’ve dared to think.
As my words recline in troubled times
Do I more hurriedly digress?
Am I entombed in callous wounds
The gnashing flesh of my final test?
feel the weight of lost souls like no steel could ever hold;
I feel the weakness of all the strong hearts
As they fall into the dark.
I cannot dispel this raging storm of agony and flame
I cannot seek a numbing relief for my soul-madness and pain
Instead i beseech in twisted tongues for those who breathe with shallow lungs
I gouge the tears from my own eyes
And remember, with peace, why He came and died.
Sudden desperate need to prove
That I am me no matter where
Wanderlust; and whither to?
Soldiers wrought of biting wind
The Eastern cold, the northern frost
To weather snow and trials and sins.
Or boiling heat and thousand suns,
Wretched sands and desert dunes.
Forests dull or glaciers sharp
I desperately wish to escape this room.
The walls are cluttered;
There’s nowhere left to write
Except inside
Let the ink bleed into your heart
And poison you alive.
The shadow on my neck dilutes
The color of my skin;
The beads and shells that twist about
And cling to life within.
I am in turmoil;
And my flesh knows not why the soul within writhes.
I have learned, and thought
And understood why.
My prayer-lips have been silent,
my scripture-eyes closed.
My stomach cries for food
the way my soul desires You.
I cannot sit idly by
While my companions wander away.
Doomed to die, destined to lie
On the threshold of death,
The silvering day.
So i pray.
Lord give us strength; give us guidance, and grace;
Give us love, perception, wisdom and faith;
Help us to see your light and follow it out of the dark
Let us not drown in blackness or let the shadows win;
Fill us with courage; give us your heart
Let love purge the hysteria within.
Oh, but you didn’t understand
And last time I tried to speak the fears aloud
Everything burned down in front of my eyes
I lost what I cared most about.
So to avoid the ashes and the smoke
And the coughing-burning lungs of bone
I will protect what could be broken
By encasing it in stone.
Spinning shadows stomp about
And play my retinas like violins;
My nerves are shot, my eyelids bleed
Meanwhile my brain grows gaunt and thin.
I long for rest, I desire sleep
I require health,
loyalty,
peace
My sluggish blood is thick like mud
And it gathers, angry, while I resist.
I want to die on a wintry day
Slipping out of the cold at the end of my life
At once to enter heaven’s blaze;
Ordained with you in a new summertime.
