The daylight is here and my fear

Should be gone

The darkness, like mist

Evaporates from the lawn

My star-gazing, sugar-cubes

Flung in the sky

The current of pain where the Milky Way lies

I should be whole and peaceful and still

Instead I choose tumult

and mudslicks, and the pills I abhor;

My hands gleefully wretched with dark oil-spills.

Let my heart still and stir the river no more.


So long now my days have cracked

Slowly now they’ve bent, exactly

When the shattering happened, I can’t

Be sure. But I know my illness grows

With every passing lure. I do not bite

Or worry, or hide

I simply watch with impassive eyes.

The currents drag me along by my skin, but

I don’t care enough to let them in, or

To fight the whirling flow. I

Do not swim, or sink, or float

I simply drown in the undertow, my lungs afloat

Within the pools of pain I try to escape.

Someday maybe I’ll

Breathe air again.

As long as i don’t



Difficult to verbalize,
Impossible to deny.
A growing, gnawing, empty-filling

Real, intense, dependent isolation;
A furiously strong intention.
Expanding truth, aching eyes,
Heavy hearts designed to cry.

This deepening, this flowing flood
This hurtling rush of dizzying blood.
The colors I see are monochromatic to me
Beside your eyes, the oceans I breathe.