Vanessa

Every time I close my eyes

I see her body at my feet

Lying crooked in the street

Gurgling breath, begging me

The other prevailing thought…

“Her old hands were so soft.”

I hope you are okay. I grieve for what

Happened that day.

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Anxiety, denying peace

How do I surrender everything

I cannot sleep, I cannot breathe

How do I submit my worrying?

espera

I meet them at the strangest times

in corridors, waiting in lines

I call them kin by the starlight streaming from their eyes.

 

Your voice was breaking, my hands were shaking

I held your gaze in a determination…

knowing the pain in your lungs.

I have grieved as we both have loved;

now your loss will stalk your days…

I’m sorry she left you this way.

 

loss

For a while, there was no breath
Only a buzzing numbness in my chest
I could not expand my lungs, I could not deign to sigh
There was only the ache and a drowning behind my eyes

For a while, there was no rest
Only a tossing-thrashing-missing of you curled up was left
I could not turn away the grief, I could not move through the rain
There was only the sorrow and a drowning in my brain

For a while, there was no light
Only a cold and taunting blackness that expanded in the night
I could not face the shadows, I could not tame the screams
There was only the agony and a drowning in my dreams

For a while, there was no respite
Only an endless loop of your loss that plagued and scratched and bit
I could not last a day, I could not be strong without you
There was only the missing and a drowning of the truth

After a while, the healing started
And I could move among the broken stars.

I began to breathe and sleep and eat
And while the missing and drowning remain in part
They are not the only presence; nor the power that, absolute, reigns.

I miss you but you’ll never leave my heart