Dark hands fetch
My sodden mind
Dark words fed
By sullen rhyme.
Alone and lost
Each numbed-up thought
Escapes to question me.
Who am i now?
What do I seek, entrapped
Here by my own
Alone and confused
The ripples elude
I cannot find
Each frozen stream
Unsourced, unseen, it
Tangles up my path.
I speak aloud to
Air them out
Though not a word is meant.
How do I leave? Who should i keep?
Why fight this all again? If i could flee
And be somebody, then
Who & where would I be?
If any wish could be my life,
What then would it look like?
I know. The ebb and flow
I am familiar with the highs and lows
Someday soon, my joy will resume
The grief will flee to allow me
I feel your heartbeat’s chaos
The fluttering thump of rest
It fills me with dread
Reminds me of death
My own uncertainties flooding my head.
I remember the times I didn’t know what to expect
I still think about you, wonder if my veins will ever forget
The way your hand felt pressed against my chest
how soft your skin was, how unreal the red seemed
Painted on his gloves, it weaves through my dreams
I have not tasted sleep since the night you came my way
I have not faced a dreamless land since the horror of that day
Every sundown, nightmares come to wriggle in my mind
I do not rest, I only wait
In agony for sunrise.
This Christmas time, my mind
Is racing with thoughts of death.
The woman in the road
The loyal dog that crumbled to ash in my hands
The grandfather I did not get to bid farewell…
The fathers that faded away before their time,
Hurting the loved ones in my life
I close my eyes and see demise
The permanence of death that floods my head
How do I stop this whirlwind and
Succumb to peace instead?
I can never be a pilot
Nor an astronaut
I cannot dredge the seas
Or climb the mountaintops
I cannot be a surgeon, nor a soldier
Will never be allowed to hold death in my hands
But I can be a fighter
And a lover, and a writer
I can breathe the oceans and sail the sky
I will always see the heights if they’re set under the right guise
the only thing i need to live the world
There is such a strong memory in me
concrete and water
the buzzing of the trees, the steaming of the leaves
i can feel the rough-stone against my hands, the wet bricks lapped by endless sands
the tumbling shadows through the branches, currents caught by the wilder-man
i hear the scraping of the twigs, the breaking rustle of their twins
no one can remove this energy
i still pause every now and again, shocked
that anything should give me hesitation.
it still doesn’t quite make sense that
your unhappiness, even in the midst of my anger AT YOU,
should move me with such alarming strength.
never before have i been
unable to withhold reconciliation;
it was always a move of pity, never
one of love,
not like now, where my heart crumples if i cannot end the stony silence
and hold you.
Bodies in the road
I see them everywhere I go
I cannot escape them in sleep
In fact, there they wait for me.
They walk out among the cars
I close my eyes and scream.
I cannot write any more. I don’t like