one line from each love poem i wrote (july 2017-january 2019)

i scream and claw at Heart

EACH NIGHTDARK WHISPERS HATING-THINGS

I want to take back what I didn’t say

The gnawing grows wider and I cannot quench the fire

I love but I cannot give in

let me hold your pain and fire, let me feel the lightning in your eyes

i cannot let this… exist

You pulled me up to dance

He filled my veins with shadow

Love cannot hurt me more than silence

The relief I feel

“You either feel it or you don’t.”

But the lyrics flew and caught my heart

You spoke in whispers and sunlight

When brown meets green. The trees

i seek absolution from the starrer of the skies

my starving heart desires.

I can feel the sunrays healing

Love is the warrior facing this fear.

What is this uncertainty

But the highs are so windy, so brightly sharp over the city

But I will lift my voice above the roar

Felt this familiar, comforting

Don’t let him know his eyes invade your waking nights and dreaming days

Someday I will kiss you again

And let the warmth of joy remain.

I am good

I discover, endless summer

She left and part of me went to sleep

I held fast to the loneliness grinding my bones.

But my heartbeat trails behind.

I lost everyone I need.

Too late

Impossible to deny.

We climb the clouds like ladders as we sing our praising songs

I call for a name that no longer exists.

I will simply call it a night

Elohim Shama, I want to listen as well as I’m heard.

When will this grief stop its roaming, and settle

How can I fight? I am weary

Verde, verde, me duele el corazón

I will not give in to the shadows or the bleeding.

I know who you were, and who you made me, and how you kept the loneliness at bay for so many

You are gone, and no life will replace you.

I feel small, I feel nothing

And you are still dead;

I do not want to live in a bubble of pain

You are the only reason I still sing

My king and my light, my guide will decide

and solitude is no longer a curse

But you are gone. Each new breath, empty morning

I no longer want to roam

I wish I knew how to leave the ledge but I know I cannot fly

For a while, in the dark, you’ll have never died.

I close my eyes and see demise

“it’s complicated.”

I know I am in love

My dear, I’m wholly in love with your rhetoric.

 

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