I am not a belonger in this place
I cannot imagine a berth in such space
My heart twists and yearns, the greediness turns
But nobody knows better than I-
This place was not meant for my mind-
I do not belong, I should continue to roam
I know this Feeling is not my home.
Emotions are fickle, they twist and they whine
They scratch at our faces and weep from our eyes
I know not to trust them, I know they are false
Like the hearth of this Emotion will never be a HOUSE.
I do not I do not I do not
If they call this a home, I will
Leave this sand for the stone.
The tiniest sliver is far too dark; a piece of my heart
Too sharp, too sharp
I cannot believe it, the words are a lie
Who would want someone as broken and dangerous as I?
Please let go now before I trust too much
Please walk away before I need you and you run
I find it hard to even want myself
So how could someone else,
What, he said, how can that be?
You truly never have a moment of peace?
I shrugged my shoulders, untouched by his unease,
“I’ve never known different. It’s all the same to me.”
i know i am still held back by the trastorno,
unlikely to perceive anything
as it truly exists;
i know because simple words
leap out at me, and they threaten
with their hisses and hooks, promising
desastre with every syllable;
the drumbeats of the enfermedad within my chest
they just might
at shattering my 454564
I don’t know what’s going on, but
I refuse to let fear guide my way.
I am no longer giving control of my life
Over to pain.
Still, it hurts
That you couldn’t even say goodnight.
I want to weep, but
The tears have burrowed firmly
Deep inside my chest.
They refuse to show their faces, lest
I feel anything again.
i am grateful in this moment, in this instant, for this time
i am happy the stars are back and lighting up my mind
today i love him, today i’m fine
i refuse to wait for the day to end.