I am not a belonger in this place
I cannot imagine a berth in such space
My heart twists and yearns, the greediness turns
But nobody knows better than I-
This place was not meant for my mind-
I do not belong, I should continue to roam
I know this Feeling is not my home.
Emotions are fickle, they twist and they whine
They scratch at our faces and weep from our eyes
I know not to trust them, I know they are false
Like the hearth of this Emotion will never be a HOUSE.
I do not I do not I do not
If they call this a home, I will
Leave this sand for the stone.
The tiniest sliver is far too dark; a piece of my heart
Too sharp, too sharp
I cannot believe it, the words are a lie
Who would want someone as broken and dangerous as I?
Please let go now before I trust too much
Please walk away before I need you and you run
I find it hard to even want myself
So how could someone else,
What, he said, how can that be?
You truly never have a moment of peace?
I shrugged my shoulders, untouched by his unease,
“I’ve never known different. It’s all the same to me.”
i know i am still held back by the trastorno,
unlikely to perceive anything
as it truly exists;
i know because simple words
leap out at me, and they threaten
with their hisses and hooks, promising
desastre with every syllable;
the drumbeats of the enfermedad within my chest
they just might
at shattering my 454564
I don’t know what’s going on, but
I refuse to let fear guide my way.
I am no longer giving control of my life
Over to pain.
Still, it hurts
That you couldn’t even say goodnight.
I want to weep, but
The tears have burrowed firmly
Deep inside my chest.
They refuse to show their faces, lest
I feel anything again.
i am grateful in this moment, in this instant, for this time
i am happy the stars are back and lighting up my mind
today i love him, today i’m fine
i refuse to wait for the day to end.
Lord, please help me
Have mercy on your child.
I feel the crushing weight of wind;
But it’s from inside, it’s from inside.
Grant peace to my fluttering soul
Still my quaking heart of bone
Rescue me from this FLESHY PRISON
I hate my thoughts and how my mind won’t
Free me from this place of loss.
Send rescue to this island of thought.
I’m trapped here now, but there once was a bridge
I walked here on my own, or was I convinced?
I hate this place, the burden-sky
How heavy the weight of remaining alive
I’m tired of pouring, this pitcher is dry
I’m weary of helping, this world would not mind
If I shriveled and gave in and gave up and died…
Fill me back up
I can no longer try
A laugh, a smile, a burst of light
Quickly killed by the sand inside
I parade alive, but the stars have died;
I’m sorry, which me was i supposed to
Father, it weighs heavy on me
The numbness of this world
My soul is caught twixt earth and stone;
I’m not sure who I’m supposed to be.
I write, but no one cares to read
I call, but there is no answering
Someday I may settle this flighty breeze
But for now…
each current pulls silently.