In a way, it doesn’t feel like you’re gone

You live on in my thoughts

In my dreams you’re not gone

I find you at night when my mind goes back

To the winters and summers

Past

We were so happy.

Jealous love

I miss your love, your kindness

Gentleness

And Peace

I miss the way you cared for me

The softness with which you treated me

It hurts like knives in my stomach to let go

I have to trust that God is just

That he wants for me what I cannot

Even

Fathom

I know He is jealous for me…

And will hold me as I weep

Sudden

I’m still haunted

By how I held your face in my hands;

Grizzled, gray, eyes cloudy with unsight

And said “never leave me, ok? Never die. Live

Forever”

And the very next day

I woke up to your seizure; to your confusion; I remember

how you didn’t know me

And I knew it was time

To say goodbye.

Sickly

It’s probably a relief, a

Silent exhalation.

For all involved-

No more learning long scientific names

No more special cooking needs, or

Help required-

Inability to do the most basic of tasks.

No more. Relief.

Even as it rolls through my mind I

Know it is not true and

Certainly not fair to you.

Judah

There is yet love in your heart; do not let it fade, let it fall

There is yet survival and patches of light

A place for the healing to start; in part

A consequence of what has been lost.

Do not fade, gentle one, in the waves of this passing

Do not shiver yourself out of your bones.

The crossing will pass and the passing will cross

itself into patterns – as of yet unknown.

This place is a journey, your steps are not hollow

The world is still firm ‘neath your feet.

You do not walk solemn… awaken and follow

The Lion who beckons you –

To be free.

water-walking

I wander through unknowns, shivering valleys and deeper lows

My dreams reflect the darkness new- but somehow light is shimmering too

I find myself awash in breath, a consolation in the land of death…

What waits beyond I do not know. A lonely hall dipping dark and low. I will not find what I expect-

But the Lion of Judah, prowling ahead.