Ani ohevet otkha

tears spring to my eyes, a widowed surprise

have i misheard this whisper-flow?

my heart has freed, a bittersweet memory

and yet untainted by the past.

i did not know this aloha could last

a prerequisite to springtime

i see a beautiful tree, leaves

tumbling from its boughs

outstretched limbs, relief in letting go

a burden never meant to carry

alone.

 

she lets the breeze

borrow the load;

she lets the river

carry off her sorrow.

 

each crumbling memory

no longer rooted in pain

an autumn death which

brings renewal and

new breath.

notlove

why am i addicted to the tragic

why does my blood sing for the broken

is there something in me, irrevocably

snapped

that makes me gravitate

to those who are as sick as me?

why do i love those with hollows inside

why can’t i seek something healthy?

is it because i have never known health and so

it feels foreign? it feels like I

don’t deserve that life?

 

why does the idea of someone whole loving me

feel like an impossible dream?

C a l e

Will there be

Someone who loves me for me

And

Expresses loyalty,

Respects me

And

NEVER MIND, I DON’T CARE ANY MORE, I’M OVERWHELMED BY A DESIRE TO CREATE AND BREATHE

TO MAKE SOMETHING OF BEAUTY

ANYTHING

TO DISPEL THE loneliness IN ME

CAN ANYTHING SET ME

FREE?

i see your joy, your patience, your storms

you seem very happy. Someday i’ll

Find that

For me

And

if there’s a man waiting, so shall it

Be

I am full of terror at the idea of repeating this pain

But it will not happen. Not again.

He is lost, and I am not the Finder

I can speak words of faith but not

Longing.

He cannot fall in love with me and I cannot fall in love with him. Peace, dear heart,

You’re

Ahead of yourself

Again.

Waves

I did not think I could be knocked down again

But time and again now I have found

Myself near edge of being drowned

Taught this well, re-instructed and blessed

Learn-ed by life’s patient fists.

I keep my face above the waves

Just barely, by effort of prayer and strain

Like sand through an hourglass.

Someday my buoyancy won’t last.