The tiniest sliver is far too dark; a piece of my heart
Too sharp, too sharp
I cannot believe it, the words are a lie
Who would want someone as broken and dangerous as I?
Please let go now before I trust too much
Please walk away before I need you and you run
I find it hard to even want myself
So how could someone else,
i know i am still held back by the trastorno,
unlikely to perceive anything
as it truly exists;
i know because simple words
leap out at me, and they threaten
with their hisses and hooks, promising
desastre with every syllable;
the drumbeats of the enfermedad within my chest
they just might
at shattering my 454564
Lord, please help me
Have mercy on your child.
I feel the crushing weight of wind;
But it’s from inside, it’s from inside.
Grant peace to my fluttering soul
Still my quaking heart of bone
Rescue me from this FLESHY PRISON
I hate my thoughts and how my mind won’t
Free me from this place of loss.
Send rescue to this island of thought.
I’m trapped here now, but there once was a bridge
I walked here on my own, or was I convinced?
I hate this place, the burden-sky
How heavy the weight of remaining alive
I’m tired of pouring, this pitcher is dry
I’m weary of helping, this world would not mind
If I shriveled and gave in and gave up and died…
Fill me back up
I can no longer try
A laugh, a smile, a burst of light
Quickly killed by the sand inside
I parade alive, but the stars have died;
I’m sorry, which me was i supposed to
Father, it weighs heavy on me
The numbness of this world
My soul is caught twixt earth and stone;
I’m not sure who I’m supposed to be.
I write, but no one cares to read
I call, but there is no answering
Someday I may settle this flighty breeze
But for now…
each current pulls silently.
I no longer crave the Roma-life
I want an end to my internal strife
I don’t want new colors, or feelings, or fear
I want something solid and safe, and real
I’m tired of thrills, of feeling these highs
The lows with which they are tangled are not worth the skies
I’m sick of the endless shrieking in my mind
I don’t want to be homeless, I want someone to
stop letting me wander. Give me a home. I’m tired of sorrow, the tragic-alone
Please someone convince me I’m sane
The world grows in volume
if I …….. this path I’ll be …. anyway
Has my trauma changed its form?
A deadly illness, starving-worm
Am I cursed to walk the earth, a
New impossible every morn?
Why can’t I leave the shadows behind? They change
And follow me
I hate their voices, despise their smiles
But I can’t stop letting them crawl
What can I do
To finally be free?
Someone tell them I’m