I am good for nothing else
Riddled with agony, an aching mess
Of cuts and gaping wounds, trauma and
Just threaded together, barely, by the strings of your grace.
Nobody can know me as You do, so I burn to know you
When the tidal wave of nothingness climbs its way into my lungs
There is nobody to give me breath except for you, King
You are the only reason I still sing
I feel watery today, unsure of myself, unable to
Bring the peace I crave so deep in my soul
Who will help me? Who will hold me?
Not this earth, not these
As lost as me
Is the only stillness
In this whirling chaos.
Let your grace soothe me
Let its awesome, terrible power tear down my misconceptions
Knock down every walled-up presupposition
I do not want to live in a bubble of pain
For fear of it popping and the oxygen outside knowing my name
Take me somewhere my heart cries out for you
Fill me with your power, oh God, and your truth.
Lead me to a place of
Utter dependency on you;
I do not want to be this scared little girl,
Locked up, troubled by every
Memory, every ludicrous possibility.
I sneer at those forces, the unknowns swirling around
They do not own me, their reality is unfounded
I am the King’s daughter and His grace surrounds
And that’s the
End of that story.
At most, my pain diminishes me
I feel small, I feel nothing
I feel the nothing pulling me in
I know its name, its harmonies well up
They pour out of my eyes and stain my life
At best, the pain underscores the why
Without agony there is no joy.
I lose my breath for the ways we wept
Carving our chains from the sorrows we claim
I curse my hands as they build my plans
The coffin sized for me that I lovingly heed
Each step towards my death I shriek as I grin
I cannot stop mourning even as I descend
Why do we not cease all this clamor and doubt?
I know what will save me but I grieve anyhow
We built our own tomb-traps but we gild them and stay!
filling the rooms with silver decay
Floating our corpses in gold-blood and gloom
We’re certain this death will not be the last
We’ve died so many times in the past
I will not let the thief take away my sunlight
I will not give in to the shadows or the bleeding
Nausea creeps in but I will stand claimed
Nobody can curse me when the Star-breather says I am Named