We sometimes want what will not help…
We seek the lights that will melt our hands
Fingers stretching to touch the gold;
Grasping flames not meant to hold…
We sometimes trust what is always wrong…
Freeing floods deeper than our souls,
Lamenting as we cannot float
Cries for mercy cut off by mill-stones
We trap ourselves then weep for home.
I do not need to make all things so real
In an effort to anchor, I let everything
It’s crazy, it subdues
How can one person bear the weight of a billion wrongs?
How can two trembling hands
count the words of endless songs?
Two bony shoulders cannot straighten under the weight
Of every single human beings’ worst moment and mistake.
I must stop anchoring myself to loss
To suffering, and breakage, and torment without cause.
What business have I to empathize
With every one at once?
If I do not break to clean my faith
It will crumble, like dust, all at once.
Can. I drift. Away. Someplace
Calling friends new and old
Can I float down every stairwell
Ever built, destroyed, or wrought to sell
Can I curl up inside my wretchedness
Among the thoughts that call me
Can I give in to the pounding rain
That floods my brain and calls my name
Can I let it drown me again?
Who will stop me if I let them in?
A laugh, a smile, a burst of light
Quickly killed by the sand inside
I parade alive, but the stars have died;
I’m sorry, which me was i supposed to
I no longer crave the Roma-life
I want an end to my internal strife
I don’t want new colors, or feelings, or fear
I want something solid and safe, and real
I’m tired of thrills, of feeling these highs
The lows with which they are tangled are not worth the skies
I’m sick of the endless shrieking in my mind
I don’t want to be homeless, I want someone to
stop letting me wander. Give me a home. I’m tired of sorrow, the tragic-alone
Please someone convince me I’m sane
The world grows in volume
if I …….. this path I’ll be …. anyway
Has my trauma changed its form?
A deadly illness, starving-worm
Am I cursed to walk the earth, a
New impossible every morn?
Why can’t I leave the shadows behind? They change
And follow me
I hate their voices, despise their smiles
But I can’t stop letting them crawl
What can I do
To finally be free?
Someone tell them I’m