achesleep

Someone said,

“You can’t miss anyone while you’re sleeping.”

I closed my eyes. That isn’t true.

I’ve spent hundreds of years searching for you.

Missing you in valleys, in dungeons, in endless time

Every single night in the dark mazes of my mind.

I can lay me down to sleep, aye, and even dream

But missing you is a longing that pervades even sleep.

con mucho gusto

no more LOST ONES,

no more BROKENNESS.

i am not walking the hospice halls of my heart any longer

I DESERVE A MAN WHOSE LIFE IS CHRIST

and i saw you… with joy in your eyes…

i dearly desire that light.

Nice to meet you. I think we’re meant to

speak.

Could I

take you out to eat?

who doesn’t?

the purest energy, the jitters of possibility

who doesn’t?

I hear that song and shake my head, the

glitter catching in my eyes

who doesn’t? 

each sunrise taunting me with its time, I

have already decided so many things, after one glimpse

hope is dangerous, love even deadlier

caution to illness and sorrow and loneliness –

you are all on death row, I’ve realized my hope –

and it feels so sudden, but

i want to fall in love again

 

Who doesn’t?

 

 

Peace in storms

What kind of lightness is now set into my soul

Where a store of chaos has fallen from its hole?

I crammed in every if and dream

The nightmares singing their trancelike screams…

Now, exposed, they all flood out;

A waterfall of wasted doubt.

Why die to tame the lightning and wind?

Why not instead bind the star within

I cannot control where the air-fire strikes

But my heart? It is mine.

And it shall do as I like.

there is now a song

it sings in tones of spider-thread

it wanders up and down the Pain…

The song is caught in a timeless place,

where the hurting worsened ’til it grew a face;

and the face is blank and its eyes are dead;

& wilted blossoms frame the head;

beautiful, but also gone.

just like us.

i wrote us a song.

Jealous love

I miss your love, your kindness

Gentleness

And Peace

I miss the way you cared for me

The softness with which you treated me

It hurts like knives in my stomach to let go

I have to trust that God is just

That he wants for me what I cannot

Even

Fathom

I know He is jealous for me…

And will hold me as I weep

Judah

There is yet love in your heart; do not let it fade, let it fall

There is yet survival and patches of light

A place for the healing to start; in part

A consequence of what has been lost.

Do not fade, gentle one, in the waves of this passing

Do not shiver yourself out of your bones.

The crossing will pass and the passing will cross

itself into patterns – as of yet unknown.

This place is a journey, your steps are not hollow

The world is still firm ‘neath your feet.

You do not walk solemn… awaken and follow

The Lion who beckons you –

To be free.