Praise

I am good for nothing else

Riddled with agony, an aching mess

Of cuts and gaping wounds, trauma and

Bruises

Just threaded together, barely, by the strings of your grace.

Nobody can know me as You do, so I burn to know you

When the tidal wave of nothingness climbs its way into my lungs

There is nobody to give me breath except for you, King

You are the only reason I still sing

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Let your grace soothe me

Let its awesome, terrible power tear down my misconceptions

Knock down every walled-up presupposition

I do not want to live in a bubble of pain

For fear of it popping and the oxygen outside knowing my name

Take me somewhere my heart cries out for you

Fill me with your power, oh God, and your truth.

April night

Once I

Felt warmth at my back, and fell asleep

Peacefully

Thinking, in a moment of late, exhaustion-induced confusion, that it was you.

But sunlight, and morning

Broke the truth

It was only the cat, curled up at my back.

And you are still dead;

You are still dead.

Not about me

At most, my pain diminishes me

I feel small, I feel nothing

I feel the nothing pulling me in

I know its name, its harmonies well up

They pour out of my eyes and stain my life

At best, the pain underscores the why

Without agony there is no joy.

Part

It took a while, but I realized

You’ll never be gone. Not one ounce

Of your spirit, or joy, or love

Has vanished from my life. Not one

Single molecule

Of your presence

Has left my side.

I know who you were, and who you made me, and how you kept the loneliness at bay for so many

Many

Years.

It’s accepting now

That I can never truly lose you

That will let the healing begin.

Someday I’ll see you again