The tiniest sliver is far too dark; a piece of my heart
Too sharp, too sharp
I cannot believe it, the words are a lie
Who would want someone as broken and dangerous as I?
Please let go now before I trust too much
Please walk away before I need you and you run
I find it hard to even want myself
So how could someone else,
What, he said, how can that be?
You truly never have a moment of peace?
I shrugged my shoulders, untouched by his unease,
“I’ve never known different. It’s all the same to me.”
Has my trauma changed its form?
A deadly illness, starving-worm
Am I cursed to walk the earth, a
New impossible every morn?
Why can’t I leave the shadows behind? They change
And follow me
I hate their voices, despise their smiles
But I can’t stop letting them crawl
What can I do
To finally be free?
Someone tell them I’m
The uncertainty’s weight is more than I can stand
There is more against the fire than the darkness at hand.
Who doesn’t, won’t, and wants to be
Could I, would we, sweet disease
Want a new dollar, a shiny time-piece?
Me and my people can never be free.
As I sit still and the dripping-day starts
I cannot see past the daylight’s bright heart.
Am I a fool, or just on my own?
?Will you come to free me or leave me in stone?
Dark hands fetch
My sodden mind
Dark words fed
By sullen rhyme.
Alone and lost
Each numbed-up thought
Escapes to question me.
Who am i now?
What do I seek, entrapped
Here by my own
Alone and confused
The ripples elude
I cannot find
Each frozen stream
Unsourced, unseen, it
Tangles up my path.
I speak aloud to
Air them out
Though not a word is meant.
How do I leave? Who should i keep?
Why fight this all again? If i could flee
And be somebody, then
Who & where would I be?
If any wish could be my life,
What then would it look like?
I know. The ebb and flow
I am familiar with the highs and lows
Someday soon, my joy will resume
The grief will flee to allow me
I feel your heartbeat’s chaos
The fluttering thump of rest
It fills me with dread
Reminds me of death
My own uncertainties flooding my head.
I remember the times I didn’t know what to expect