Liability

The tiniest sliver is far too dark; a piece of my heart

Too sharp, too sharp

I cannot believe it, the words are a lie

Who would want someone as broken and dangerous as I?

Please let go now before I trust too much

Please walk away before I need you and you run

I find it hard to even want myself

So how could someone else,

someone else?

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Young?

What, he said, how can that be?

You truly never have a moment of peace?

I shrugged my shoulders, untouched by his unease,

“I’ve never known different. It’s all the same to me.”

Has my trauma changed its form?

A deadly illness, starving-worm

Am I cursed to walk the earth, a

New impossible every morn?

Why can’t I leave the shadows behind? They change

Their shape

And follow me

I hate their voices, despise their smiles

But I can’t stop letting them crawl

All

Over

What can I do

To finally be free?

Someone tell them I’m

Done wandering

Quedar

Who doesn’t, won’t, and wants to be

Could I, would we, sweet disease

Want a new dollar, a shiny time-piece?

Me and my people can never be free.

As I sit still and the dripping-day starts

I cannot see past the daylight’s bright heart.

Am I a fool, or just on my own?

?Will you come to free me or leave me in stone?

Christmas ramblings

Dark hands fetch

My sodden mind

Dark words fed

By sullen rhyme.

Alone and lost

Each numbed-up thought

Escapes to question me.

Who am i now?

What do I seek, entrapped

Here by my own

reality?

Alone and confused

The ripples elude

I cannot find

Their center.

Each frozen stream

Unsourced, unseen, it

Tangles up my path.

I speak aloud to

Air them out

Though not a word is meant.

How do I leave? Who should i keep?

Why fight this all again? If i could flee

And be somebody, then

Who & where would I be?

If any wish could be my life,

What then would it look like?

Seethe

I know. The ebb and flow

I am familiar with the highs and lows

Someday soon, my joy will resume

The grief will flee to allow me

To breathe.

I feel your heartbeat’s chaos

The fluttering thump of rest

It fills me with dread

Reminds me of death

My own uncertainties flooding my head.

I remember the times I didn’t know what to expect