written in

I can never be a pilot

Nor an astronaut

I cannot dredge the seas

Or climb the mountaintops

I cannot be a surgeon, nor a soldier

Will never be allowed to hold death in my hands

But I can be a fighter

And a lover, and a writer

I can breathe the oceans and sail the sky

I will always see the heights if they’re set under the right guise

 

the only thing i need to live the world

is

this

pen.

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forest-land

There is such a strong memory in me

concrete and water

the buzzing of the trees, the steaming of the leaves

i can feel the rough-stone against my hands, the wet bricks lapped by endless sands

the tumbling shadows through the branches, currents caught by the wilder-man

i hear the scraping of the twigs, the breaking rustle of their twins

no one can remove this energy

from me.

Wander

Somewhere in a trance there is this waterfall of sound,

Enticing every color from the Ribcage to the ground.

I seek a new divinity, untethered by my chains,

A drowning watercolor of my home I sought to save.

We cannot quell the flow of thorns, the

Riverbeast of thunder scorned.

Please kill this cavern-ache inside,

And kill the sonder-life

I hide.

Keep

The daylight is here and my fear

Should be gone

The darkness, like mist

Evaporates from the lawn

My star-gazing, sugar-cubes

Flung in the sky

The current of pain where the Milky Way lies

I should be whole and peaceful and still

Instead I choose tumult

and mudslicks, and the pills I abhor;

My hands gleefully wretched with dark oil-spills.

Let my heart still and stir the river no more.

Redirect

I’ve fought a thousand battles trying to find you, searching for some infinite desire that would anchor me to another

I found nothing and no one

Only dust. 

Just shadows full of twinkling promise,
Remnants of love; so I kept looking
And I discovered strength instead of companionship. 

Dignity instead of desire. 

Joy
in place of longing. 
And I am free of binding chains; now I search languidly, with expectation

Instead

Of desperation.
 

Autumn

Well, again the leaf-dust swirls the air
And star-gazers sigh under blankets of slate
Dark-turning earth shivers far from the sun
The hearts are so hot that they crack and they break,

Unable to cope with the chill in the breeze.
They glimmer, glowing shards
Reflecting stars that {carve their names in my heart}

Like the coals that burn
In your gaze.