Category Archives: Personal

what is Depressed?

it is a crushing weight that pulverizes your breath

grinds your lungs to dust and leaves blood begging for help in your eyes

it is an exhaustion, an apathy, a slow-burning acid pulsating in your heart

it is an apology, “i’m sorry, i should be fine”

it is a distant echo of guilt

remorse for the lives you cannot help but impact

buried by nothingness,

the ghost of feeling consumed by self-hatred and

absolute

emptiness

New

You minister to my regret
And clean away the smog; my breath
As it clicks and catches through my lungs
You dig the dirt from blood and bones. 

I weep with relief at the pain you leave
The hissing release of the burning-disease
My aching Heart yells! It screams! It smolders
Let me go on let me wander no longer

Weed up the burrows that root in my flesh
Tear out the system of feelings I’ve kept
Let me be clean again or let me be dead


re-apply the healing
I’ve clawed off time and again

Down

How large I see the world and feel each person’s footsteps fall
How delicate I breathe the dust that swallows up the halls
I cloak myself in refuge and the darkness of my eyes
And I never let them catch me; no, how I have learned to hide. 

I feel more colors than they can sense
I hurl my painted words at death
I catch myself falling alone

And curse the gypsy heart I stole. 

Brimming

Who cares! Who minds!
Let the strange-men dream their dreams. 
Let them prowl along beside my eyes
And peer through windows and seams. 

More wanderers have saved my life
Than friends I call my best
More nurses clad in comfort than the doctors they address

I scream and scream until the rawness of my voice is heard
I filter out the darknesses and go numb to the world
My coiling-strength can only take so much tension at once
Eventually the screw will break and all my shouts will burst. 

Hospital

There is something in me that wants to return 
To the bleached white walls and the chemical-room
To the soft silent plain of the starched stiff sheets
And the endless night where I wake and sleep.

The waiting breeds new agony
But the sleeping-room brings me release
I warmly breathe in the numbed-up night
Where the painless hours finally find

Me.