It feels so strange.
For so long I have sought disconnection, relief
Thinking the land turned about me
Now new soil greets my feet, an ocean’s expanse
And still the churning – thrashing – burning
No matter how I flee I cannot escape the bleed
No matter where I run I am seen by the
How can I heal? Will this ever cease? Please let me find some
I am not a belonger in this place
I cannot imagine a berth in such space
My heart twists and yearns, the greediness turns
But nobody knows better than I-
This place was not meant for my mind-
I do not belong, I should continue to roam
I know this Feeling is not my home.
Emotions are fickle, they twist and they whine
They scratch at our faces and weep from our eyes
I know not to trust them, I know they are false
Like the hearth of this Emotion will never be a HOUSE.
I do not I do not I do not
If they call this a home, I will
Leave this sand for the stone.
it still hits me like deep chills,
wind that flows in my bones, without any right to frost my skin
yet it does, it does
the tantalizing taste of life, the lightning-bolt-belief of light
i feel as though no one has lived before me,
how could any exist in this same place
without crumbling into dust?
I swear my intensity is unmatched
i promise the iron that crystallizes in my blood is unmet by predecessors
who are you to challenge me? i can’t even breathe
this place is foreign and i will blink until the sun sets on
all these wasted words.
Stumbled blocks, mumbled rocks, marking the path with the walk.
Crumbling codes of fire and road, we struggle to know when we’re near.
The tracks just go on without end, my dear.
Somewhere in a trance there is this waterfall of sound,
Enticing every color from the Ribcage to the ground.
I seek a new divinity, untethered by my chains,
A drowning watercolor of my home I sought to save.
We cannot quell the flow of thorns, the
Riverbeast of thunder scorned.
Please kill this cavern-ache inside,
And kill the sonder-life
the ache is making me
the gap is filling with water;
each day i realize i love her,
the girl learning how to swim.
Someday home will be a place
I never want to leave.
Right now it is pain and dark and
Jarring sunlit memories
Awash in blood and flame and joy,
I need to make myself
And fill my home with you.