Island

I do not need to make all things so real

In an effort to anchor, I let everything

Feel

Personal, true

It’s crazy, it subdues

How can one person bear the weight of a billion wrongs?

How can two trembling hands

count the words of endless songs?

Two bony shoulders cannot straighten under the weight

Of every single human beings’ worst moment and mistake.

I must stop anchoring myself to loss

To suffering, and breakage, and torment without cause.

What business have I to empathize

With every one at once?

If I do not break to clean my faith

It will crumble, like dust, all at once.

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Real?

Not even sunlight can banish the storms

The tempest that turns all it touches to what I abhor

Tributes of gold that flow from the trees;

Touching the sky to flame, to beauty

Nevertheless, my eyes protest

I do not see light. I do not see grace

A simple drive and what do I find?

Woman and child, together outside

God, they’re in agony!

Holding what’s left, someone’s final breaths

They weep, clad in flesh…

A blink and a jolt, I shudder

Reality returns?

This is not a vigil.

Just chores. Elbows deep in a bag of mulch.

Hope

Whoa, what bitterness is this

Whose twisted thoughts have I trekked in?

Surely this darkness isn’t mine,

This want for aching, wasted time

Someday I’ll be solid, healed

Someday the nightmares won’t be there to steal

If the nights are silent, the days reveal

Endless screaming from the ones repealed

Some time night and day alike

Will toss their haunting-juggling storms

Aside

And all the worry and fear I despise

Will finally

Entirely

Subside.

Relent

Can. I drift. Away. Someplace

Calling friends new and old

Disgrace

Can I float down every stairwell

Ever built, destroyed, or wrought to sell

Can I curl up inside my wretchedness

Among the thoughts that call me

Worthless

Can I give in to the pounding rain

That floods my brain and calls my name

Can I let it drown me again?

Who will stop me if I let them in?

Humility and sadness?

Will I ever

Be happy? My payments never

Seem to end

I cannot seek the resting, because

My debt will not descend

Have not I paid the dues this earth

Has called us all to pay?

Have not my sufferings yet been sufficient

Been enough- for a lifetime- each day?

I will wait, Palms upward, feet aching and bruised

I will surrender my heartache and tremors and

Abuse

I cannot see an end to this tunnel, nor a filling

Of my soul

Everything so empty now, I doubt

I’ll ever

Be full.

So I wait… in pain… and praise.

Christmas ramblings

Dark hands fetch

My sodden mind

Dark words fed

By sullen rhyme.

Alone and lost

Each numbed-up thought

Escapes to question me.

Who am i now?

What do I seek, entrapped

Here by my own

reality?

Alone and confused

The ripples elude

I cannot find

Their center.

Each frozen stream

Unsourced, unseen, it

Tangles up my path.

I speak aloud to

Air them out

Though not a word is meant.

How do I leave? Who should i keep?

Why fight this all again? If i could flee

And be somebody, then

Who & where would I be?

If any wish could be my life,

What then would it look like?