Spirit

I feel watery today, unsure of myself, unable to

Bring the peace I crave so deep in my soul

Who will help me? Who will hold me?

Not this earth, not these

Wanderers

As lost as me

Jesus

Is the only stillness

In this whirling chaos.

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Kingdom

Lead me to a place of

Utter dependency on you;

I do not want to be this scared little girl,

Locked up, troubled by every

Memory, every ludicrous possibility.

I sneer at those forces, the unknowns swirling around

They do not own me, their reality is unfounded

I am the King’s daughter and His grace surrounds

Me.

And that’s the

End of that story.

April night

Once I

Felt warmth at my back, and fell asleep

Peacefully

Thinking, in a moment of late, exhaustion-induced confusion, that it was you.

But sunlight, and morning

Broke the truth

It was only the cat, curled up at my back.

And you are still dead;

You are still dead.

Not about me

At most, my pain diminishes me

I feel small, I feel nothing

I feel the nothing pulling me in

I know its name, its harmonies well up

They pour out of my eyes and stain my life

At best, the pain underscores the why

Without agony there is no joy.

We-death

I lose my breath for the ways we wept

Carving our chains from the sorrows we claim

I curse my hands as they build my plans

The coffin sized for me that I lovingly heed

Each step towards my death I shriek as I grin

I cannot stop mourning even as I descend

Why do we not cease all this clamor and doubt?

I know what will save me but I grieve anyhow

We built our own tomb-traps but we gild them and stay!

filling the rooms with silver decay

Floating our corpses in gold-blood and gloom

We’re certain this death will not be the last

We’ve died so many times in the past