Each night my silk-skin shudders
And my yarn-hair starts to fall
The black matte buttons that give me sight
Grow dim and lose their light.
The nightmares climb up bookcases and
Nest in the dust on my grin
They stretch their claws in my overalls
And kiss the freckles on my chin.
I cannot fight the shadows, so my weaknesses grow strong
Each night the dimness fills my limbs
And seeps into my soles.
I try to whisper, “help me, please”,
But the child-folk cannot hear.
So tears of dust fall from my eyes
And I let the shadows near.
With dawn my shivers grow warmer
And the sun brings back my gleam
I smile painted lips at children
Who see only what they want to see.
Yes, there is Dark;
And Suffering and Hurt.
There is Rage and Murder and Betrayal and Dirt
There are people whose souls have given in to their Flesh
There are shadow-puppets praying to their Self-gods of Death
But for every Darkness and Foulness that lives
THERE IS A BURNING AND BLINDING AND BURSTING WITHIN
OF LIGHT THAT THROWS BACK ALL THE SHADOWS AND SIN
AND THAT LIGHT IS THE FLAME THAT WILL ULTIMATELY WIN
AND END OR BEGIN
what we’ve lost —
I only ever have to live in
I do not have to survive Tomorrow;
Only Today and this moment.
And no matter what trials I face
I can weather them all okay
As long as I needn’t worry about
Someday; only right now, and
Fear and disgust
Wretched retching, freezing, snaking
Shaking on the floor.
Naked, fearful, colored, tearful
Sick from pills and steam
Caught in between delight and death
Where wicked torment gleams.
I doubt my soul will ever rest
Knowing there are those in eternal distress
How can I find peace when a wanderer meets
Such a fiery, empty demise?
I WANT THEM ALL TO REACH PARADISE
WILL NOTHING EVER BE RIGHT?
HOW COULD YOU LET THEM DIE
the lesson I thought I’d learned has returned
To mock my weeping faith.
I’m plagued by bitter darkness, colors
Flee my eyes and weep.
The rage that conceals sunlight
Is flooding through my sleep.
I curl my toes and slice my tongue
On teeth that crack and stain
But faith bids me to bait my breath
Open channel, ink descending
Starlit heavens, wide-eyed searching
My madness burrows in
The screaming fills my skin.
I need to breathe what the star-keeper sees
Or the shadows will corner me in.
We almost fell apart that night
Because I was a snarling mess
We didn’t know it then, but
The exhaustion inside me was dancing a snare into effect
You pushed the food closer, I sat on the floor
“Baby, please eat, you need it more
Than you think”
You did not sound strong and reassuring and heroic
You sounded vulnerable and weak
Because you were,
Because I was.
I am your open wound.
I open up my mind to breathe
The shadow-diamonds fall from me
A breath of release, the chimings cease
And tears bleed as the howlings flee.