Tag Archives: feelings

feel

help me release the fear

assist me in this shaking-step

be with me as i open up

let me feel these things, surely this

love cannot hurt me more than silence

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I’ve fought a thousand battles trying to find you, searching for some infinite desire that would anchor me to another

I found nothing and no one

Only dust. 

Just shadows full of twinkling promise,
Remnants of love; so I kept looking
And I discovered strength instead of companionship. 

Dignity instead of desire. 

Joy
in place of longing. 
And I am free of binding chains; now I search languidly, with expectation

Instead

Of desperation.
 

endings

they are sad. they are also new. people think about the brokenness of endings, the loss of potential. but endings are as new as presents on Christmas day. they are unseen, unheard, unknown. they are new to me and to you and new to everyone who experiences them. and an ending allows you to breathe and start fresh. it lets you let go of past mistakes while holding on to past joys, past successes. it lets you live and let live. endings are new so that beginnings can be steady. endings are the foundation of the next step. they are the fear and terror of night with all the promise of beauty at the sunrise. they are necessary. and utterly remarkable. and so terribly new.

what is Depressed?

it is a crushing weight that pulverizes your breath

grinds your lungs to dust and leaves blood begging for help in your eyes

it is an exhaustion, an apathy, a slow-burning acid pulsating in your heart

it is an apology, “i’m sorry, i should be fine”

it is a distant echo of guilt

remorse for the lives you cannot help but impact

buried by nothingness,

the ghost of feeling consumed by self-hatred and

absolute

emptiness

NyQuil Poem

This is what it seems to be!
when all inflections bury me
engulfed in liquid sleep and stars
my mind scurries through burning hearts

i am tossed about the ground
flurrying on thought and sound
hidden tripping music weaves
a lonely caustic melody.

the words marched on my tongue
and beat a reluctant retreat
for after beating both my lungs
my teeth forced them into defeat.

someday somewhere the words will fare
far better than here they did;
i will not be able to hide in my hair
the love i refuse to admit.

synonyms

They say it’s ‘drapetomania’
I call it discontent.
I’ve let ‘wanderlust’ invade
With its courteous malintent.

Sometimes it’s ‘lypophrenia’
With its curious shadowy form;
And disease causes ‘dysania’
(Why can’t I make it out the door?)

Whatever word you call it,
‘Sadness’ works in its place.
Someday I aim to feel happiness instead,
Or ‘joy’- or ‘passion’- or ‘grace’.

Anger

I cannot imagine what it would be like to be so enraged that words rattle around inside you
and become knives.

I know that mild anger causes my fingers to tremble for want of an outlet
I know that “mad” has me gripping my hands like they will march off to hurt someone
I know that my very bones seem to shake when I am angry and they want to splinter off into tiny blades that stab me from inside and that would be less painful than the anger;

But I do not know what it is to be enraged at true betrayal, or how incredibly powerful that sort of forgiveness
Must certainly, inherently
be.