Whoa, what bitterness is this
Whose twisted thoughts have I trekked in?
Surely this darkness isn’t mine,
This want for aching, wasted time
Someday I’ll be solid, healed
Someday the nightmares won’t be there to steal
If the nights are silent, the days reveal
Endless screaming from the ones repealed
Some time night and day alike
Will toss their haunting-juggling storms
And all the worry and fear I despise
I still feel fake
Like I am a parade
What business do I have
Saying I’m not okay?
As healthy as I seem… My sickness can’t be seen.
My poison had no name
So WHO AM I TO CLAIM
“I can’t because I’m lame…”
To pass along the blame?
It is so hard to accept, to know
That I can ever say no…
Half full of water, lapping
Clogging up my breath
There is a tide inside me.
It’s drowning out my brain… how to breathe?
It’s filling me
Each breath, choking
Am I still asleep?
Usually, there is cold.
Ice and deftness, dexterity and chill.
But when the slow-deep comes, the fire
Lights in her hands. The warmth spreads
Through her veins
And cradles her heart. It squeezes
Like a vest, like a binding
The current carries her away.
She flickers out for a time
And the warmth
Stays; the tongues of flame
Lighting their own way.
What, of course, the acid burns my chest
The ice cubes melt my rest
I feel sick and dark instead
Colors blur my blood-beat, dead
The shadows bleed deep in my veins
I know now why my heartbeat strains
One day soon my bones will dissolve
The tension inside will relax and resolve
I’ll breathe out some sparks and light up the dark
My hunger pangs ceasing as my rib cage departs.
Someday soon my pain will end
Each muscle releasing the screaming within
And every candle glowing in my blood
will rival the stars again.
I closed my eyes
Watered the prize,
Weathered my cries
And, suddenly strong, said