Whoa, what bitterness is this
Whose twisted thoughts have I trekked in?
Surely this darkness isn’t mine,
This want for aching, wasted time
Someday I’ll be solid, healed
Someday the nightmares won’t be there to steal
If the nights are silent, the days reveal
Endless screaming from the ones repealed
Some time night and day alike
Will toss their haunting-juggling storms
And all the worry and fear I despise
It’s getting louder now and I need to think
I’m becoming sicker now and I require sleep
The papered walls are caging in the yawning brink
I would sleep but every shadow screams at me to think.
It’s moments when I’m doing homework way too late at night, and worship music is playing softly in the background,
And I glancingly think about how I’m not having lunch with you tomorrow because it’s a Wednesday, not a Tuesday or a Thursday,
And there’s this twinge inside and the Thought just rudely pushes past my mental barriers,
Announcing itself and settling and sending its inky self-assured fingers into my heart, where I feel its strength resonate
And I drop my pen and look up and out the dark frosted window in shock, looking for who said those words which pronounced themselves so clearly in my mind,
but there is only my worn reflection staring back, like the words echoed defiantly out of some faded inner conscious where poems are born and die.
“I love him.”
So I shake myself and write some shadowy half-formed unfair sentiment about this gripping proclamation
And then I wearily lift a thermometer to my ear and check my temperature once more
before continuing to copy down my calculus homework from the textbook, unburdened.
Late at night my eyes rebuke
My thoughts and careless doubts.
Unfelt, then, my heart stampedes
And the love-sickness bleeds out.
i miss you.
To fall asleep with thoughts of you
While rain paints endless winding tunes
On all my windowsills
Is surely more than I deserve.
To wonder if your heartbeat sleeps
As soundly in your arms as I
Is a question for another life.
If tears don’t stain your pillowcase
Every blue moon or so,
Are you really even human?
Let night fold in, and hold you close
and fret not your current agonies.
This is what it seems to be!
when all inflections bury me
engulfed in liquid sleep and stars
my mind scurries through burning hearts
i am tossed about the ground
flurrying on thought and sound
hidden tripping music weaves
a lonely caustic melody.
the words marched on my tongue
and beat a reluctant retreat
for after beating both my lungs
my teeth forced them into defeat.
someday somewhere the words will fare
far better than here they did;
i will not be able to hide in my hair
the love i refuse to admit.