I’ve fought a thousand battles trying to find you, searching for some infinite desire that would anchor me to another
I found nothing and no one
Just shadows full of twinkling promise,
Remnants of love; so I kept looking
And I discovered strength instead of companionship.
Dignity instead of desire.
Joy in place of longing.
And I am free of binding chains; now I search languidly, with expectation
Again the downpour floods
Each drop of rain a pool of rage
That stirs my aching blood.
When storm clouds shatter, scream
When thunder-bolts get lost
Each fraction of a lightning-star
Burrows deeper through my heart.
I have not had to beware looking up at the sky
For quite some time
For fear of raindrops stinging my eye;
“Welcome back, old friend.” I say to the rain,
“It’s good to see you again.”
Feathers, fierce eyes
Surprise and fear
Two creatures, clearly apart
To fall asleep with thoughts of you
While rain paints endless winding tunes
On all my windowsills
Is surely more than I deserve.
To wonder if your heartbeat sleeps
As soundly in your arms as I
Is a question for another life.
Slicing through the storm, we’re brought beyond, before
Rosy eyes and pale moon-white
Cheeks of porcelain dust.
Stabbing colors sicken me
And tears march to my eyes, you see
As suddenly then as I wanted him gone
I felt love blossom just as strong.
I recognize that ivy!
No, ivy all looks the same.
The foliage in my eyes has come and gone
And come again.
Living in a swaying plain of monolithic grass
Of monsters huge enough to kill with a single crack
My smile brightly blunders through the aging sky above
And of all the stars within my soul, I can find no one to love.