There is something in me that wants to return
To the bleached white walls and the chemical-room
To the soft silent plain of the starched stiff sheets
And the endless night where I wake and sleep.
The waiting breeds new agony
But the sleeping-room brings me release
I warmly breathe in the numbed-up night
Where the painless hours finally find
How long have now I slept
While worry-heart within me wept
And rattled the bars of its room
And clashed like a cymbal entombed
What bitter potion silvered my eyes
To such cataracts and cobwebs
They sugar-coated the ledge, they bled into my pupils and
My vision now strikes back,
each poem written reacts
With the phrases dilating my gaze.
My worries will all keep away.
Who spits molten lead as I?
Whose shivers leave stone teeth and staring eyes
Who bites the blood into prose and parade
Who paints the bruise into shades that don’t fade
Who lets the lightning in to translate the thunder
Who breathes in the glass dust to exhale the wonder
Who faces the fire to transcribe the burns
Who worries the lion to feel its great fur
Who walks under currents to see the sea play
Who jumps in the lava to rescue the clay
Who pines to feel pain just to write in this way?
Thank God, Myself gets to come along
Or the poet in my brain wouldn’t stay.
For that time I crushed you down
When you were just trying to help;
I was too concerned with me and Flattery:
My will became my pride, and
I looked down at you, a moment that seizes my heart with pain
To this day.
You wanted nothing more than to make me proud and help me out
And I shut you down.
I am gross and a coward. And my pain is pronounced
Why are words so cruel and quick
Why do they prowl and lick their lips
WHY CANT WE LEASH THEM, kEEP THEM IN
THEIR HANDLES CUT OUR WEAKENED SKIN
we bleed and find ourselves again…
I did not know what words would glow
In the reckless return of midnight ink.
But still a sliding, unlocking, unbiting
Echoed instead of my heart’s death-throe.
Who understands but Yaweh
Who feels the depths of the agony?
I am broken and alone
Each human failed me, one by one
No one can stand the test of time
Of sleeplessness through these trials of mine
I callously discard them. I painfully disregard their
Deception, malice, unjust intent
Their abuse and neglect and abandonment
I ford the waters alone.
A single rough rock among river stones.
I doubt my soul will ever rest
Knowing there are those in eternal distress
How can I find peace when a wanderer meets
Such a fiery, empty demise?
I WANT THEM ALL TO REACH PARADISE
WILL NOTHING EVER BE RIGHT?
HOW COULD YOU LET THEM DIE
the lesson I thought I’d learned has returned
To mock my weeping faith.
Open channel, ink descending
Starlit heavens, wide-eyed searching
My madness burrows in
The screaming fills my skin.
I need to breathe what the star-keeper sees
Or the shadows will corner me in.