Let us love not with vigor, or emotion, or with zest
Let us love not with impassioned words and hearts pounding in our chest
Let us love instead with sorrow and the heartbreakings of heaven,
Each added soul a brimming whole
Of halves and broken edges.
Let us love with all our purpose and our glances and our restings
Let us love with every one in world envisioned like the best
Let us love like nothing ever happened and nothing ever will;
Let us love as wide and far as the east is from the west.
Like God in Earth heals our hurts,
Let us love
the ache is making me
the gap is filling with water;
each day i realize i love her,
the girl learning how to swim.
What glittering light-beams shower my skin;
What hopeful rays descend again.
For once, at last, the shimmer stays;
Its floating fingers glimmer and play.
They curl my hair into ribbons and rain
I reach up, smiling, showered in grace,
And let the warmth of joy remain.
Why, contemplation leaves me low
And bitter hearts still seek the cold.
I lose myself in time and sleep
An exhausted spirit is all I keep.
So let me in to warm my feet
And sit awhile beside the flames.
At once to rest and speak in peace
Forever safe in Your embrace.
I nod my head and fire climbs high
My eyelids flicker low.
I’m no longer out in the bitter cold —
You smile and drape over me Your coat.
Whenever I am in pain
And my soul is turning within me;
I should rest in peace and comfort, that
My God is simply allowing
Me to be refined.
So do not think these locust-years
Will ever go to waste;
Every painful step you take
Is one towards His grace.
No matter what I thought
The light obliterates the clouds,
Despite the winds and storms and rains.
And absolute and just is He,
So loving, full and strong.
His heart, it pains when ours cry out
He’s with us all along.
And even when it seems so dark,
The shadows absolute,
He sends his love to dry our tears,
For He himself has borne these wounds.
My God reminds me endlessly
That I matter after all.
His love embraces and engulfs me
I am held even as I fall.
Not Mind That I am broken;
His forgiveness knows no bounds.
His love for me;
As he paid in blood and thorns and bone
To set me free.
A wave of what, how can it be
Crashes heavy over me
a God, THE God, has love… For me?
My heart finds hard to believe.
And yet every time, when He thinks of me, the Love he holds is true.
A God, my God, believes in me
So why can’t I love Me too?
A whole new crisis, a whole new fear
Terror stalks me – even here?
What if this is but a dream
God, a fantasy
Life, a myth
Everything that I love but a falsehood
And no way
What if it’s all some freakish imagining
A crazy person’s hoping
Or even not a person.
What is reality?
What if my soul is not real?
What if life is fleeting to the point it’s not even a breath
More like a cough
Or a choking
Panic builds inside me with every thought
But the gentle murmur of my parents down the hall
Tells me I’m not alone.
Words anchor me to this world
They tell me the forests are made of trees; that every rock is a stone.
The bag boy at the grocery store
With the curly hair;
His friendly greeting.
The woman with the Jamaican accent who remembers my whole family
Who questions where someone is
When they are missing;
Prove to me
The world has kindness in it.
And thus it must be real
It must be solid.
The pain in my side
Where my bone sticks out, misshapen,
Every time I try to lay on my belly;
Proves to me I’m alive.
And last, most important
Most reassuring of all
The God who gave these words to me
Who beckons me;
Who hides from me, so I may seek;
Who leads me to mysteries
And beautiful things;
Well, that very God
He doesn’t make mistakes.
He made this life.
None of this is a dream,
Or a charcoal mare with mane of night;
The pain is real, the fear is real
But so also is real