There is something in me that wants to return
To the bleached white walls and the chemical-room
To the soft silent plain of the starched stiff sheets
And the endless night where I wake and sleep.
The waiting breeds new agony
But the sleeping-room brings me release
I warmly breathe in the numbed-up night
Where the painless hours finally find
Each night my silk-skin shudders
And my yarn-hair starts to fall
The black matte buttons that give me sight
Grow dim and lose their light.
The nightmares climb up bookcases and
Nest in the dust on my grin
They stretch their claws in my overalls
And kiss the freckles on my chin.
I cannot fight the shadows, so my weaknesses grow strong
Each night the dimness fills my limbs
And seeps into my soles.
I try to whisper, “help me, please”,
But the child-folk cannot hear.
So tears of dust fall from my eyes
And I let the shadows near.
With dawn my shivers grow warmer
And the sun brings back my gleam
I smile painted lips at children
Who see only what they want to see.
My teeth clack loudly for attention
My tongue clicks to be heard.
I yawn, and each ear pops its knuckles
Ready for a brawl.
Again the downpour floods
Each drop of rain a pool of rage
That stirs my aching blood.
When storm clouds shatter, scream
When thunder-bolts get lost
Each fraction of a lightning-star
Burrows deeper through my heart.
We bowed our heads
i raised mine, instead
the reverance stayed. but my gaze strayed
onto your face
— you cheekily waved.
i smiled in dismay
and my heart sank.
The runners keep stumbling, their knees torn and red
The rhythms in my head forgot
they were dead
Though my irises tangle and blur up my thoughts
I’ll keep up this singing til the death-dancers stop.
I pour from my lips
I spit and I bite
The red stained glass shimmers in rays of sunlight
I curl my eyelids and iron my gaze
I rip off the fences in hopes that they’ll stay
I wear each worn battle on fire-lined skin.
My hostages called,
and they won’t let me in.
How long have now I slept
While worry-heart within me wept
And rattled the bars of its room
And clashed like a cymbal entombed
What bitter potion silvered my eyes
To such cataracts and cobwebs
They sugar-coated the ledge, they bled into my pupils and
My vision now strikes back,
each poem written reacts
With the phrases dilating my gaze.
My worries will all keep away.
What is it to
Dissuade the dark?
To slip the snapping teeth their mark
And feast on collarbones, the while
The pouring storming-men go wild.
These thoughts are not mine. If they intrude
One more time
I will cut them up and cast them down
Into the furthest depths of the sea;
Far, far away