We sometimes want what will not help…
We seek the lights that will melt our hands
Fingers stretching to touch the gold;
Grasping flames not meant to hold…
We sometimes trust what is always wrong…
Freeing floods deeper than our souls,
Lamenting as we cannot float
Cries for mercy cut off by mill-stones
We trap ourselves then weep for home.
Not even sunlight can banish the storms
The tempest that turns all it touches to what I abhor
Tributes of gold that flow from the trees;
Touching the sky to flame, to beauty
Nevertheless, my eyes protest
I do not see light. I do not see grace
A simple drive and what do I find?
Woman and child, together outside
God, they’re in agony!
Holding what’s left, someone’s final breaths
They weep, clad in flesh…
A blink and a jolt, I shudder
This is not a vigil.
Just chores. Elbows deep in a bag of mulch.
How hard is it to mend
A mind once bent and
Torn? Is it possible to sew
Each neural fabric, a mental
My mouth no longer allows a plea
A few eyes are all that’s left of me
Deathly primary shock, the ending freeze
Exquisite numbness is what will finish things.
Make someone a murderer. Distance yourself.
Each person ignores the ones they could help.
Dear one, knock!
Enter if you will.
Anybody sent by God
Does naught but bear goodwill.
How pleasant a task,
Every prisoner asks
“Let me go free! Absolved of all things!”
Poisoner or poisonee… we all need
I am not a belonger in this place
I cannot imagine a berth in such space
My heart twists and yearns, the greediness turns
But nobody knows better than I-
This place was not meant for my mind-
I do not belong, I should continue to roam
I know this Feeling is not my home.
Emotions are fickle, they twist and they whine
They scratch at our faces and weep from our eyes
I know not to trust them, I know they are false
Like the hearth of this Emotion will never be a HOUSE.
I do not I do not I do not
If they call this a home, I will
Leave this sand for the stone.
The tiniest sliver is far too dark; a piece of my heart
Too sharp, too sharp
I cannot believe it, the words are a lie
Who would want someone as broken and dangerous as I?
Please let go now before I trust too much
Please walk away before I need you and you run
I find it hard to even want myself
So how could someone else,
Lord, please help me
Have mercy on your child.
I feel the crushing weight of wind;
But it’s from inside, it’s from inside.
Grant peace to my fluttering soul
Still my quaking heart of bone
Rescue me from this FLESHY PRISON
I hate my thoughts and how my mind won’t
Free me from this place of loss.
Send rescue to this island of thought.
I’m trapped here now, but there once was a bridge
I walked here on my own, or was I convinced?
I hate this place, the burden-sky
How heavy the weight of remaining alive
I’m tired of pouring, this pitcher is dry
I’m weary of helping, this world would not mind
If I shriveled and gave in and gave up and died…
Fill me back up
I can no longer try