We sometimes want what will not help…
We seek the lights that will melt our hands
Fingers stretching to touch the gold;
Grasping flames not meant to hold…
We sometimes trust what is always wrong…
Freeing floods deeper than our souls,
Lamenting as we cannot float
Cries for mercy cut off by mill-stones
We trap ourselves then weep for home.
I can feel myself
Healing, growing, and learning
It is a blessing.
Though I am not sure
What is changing within me;
Chaos is fleeing.
For the first time in
A painfully long nightmare
I can breathe freely.
There is not any
Panic blossoming within
Just a warm, slow peace.
Such slowness is rare
In my life it has been few;
I will consume it.
Steady, soft, complete
My heartbeat returns to me
Where it always was.
It feels so strange.
For so long I have sought disconnection, relief
Thinking the land turned about me
Now new soil greets my feet, an ocean’s expanse
And still the churning – thrashing – burning
No matter how I flee I cannot escape the bleed
No matter where I run I am seen by the
How can I heal? Will this ever cease? Please let me find some
Little bits of gold
Hidden in the trees;
Honeyed twigs and branches
Unfurling fronds of greenery, dripping from the breeze
Sunlight touches everything, hiding
precious metals in the trees.
I do not need to make all things so real
In an effort to anchor, I let everything
It’s crazy, it subdues
How can one person bear the weight of a billion wrongs?
How can two trembling hands
count the words of endless songs?
Two bony shoulders cannot straighten under the weight
Of every single human beings’ worst moment and mistake.
I must stop anchoring myself to loss
To suffering, and breakage, and torment without cause.
What business have I to empathize
With every one at once?
If I do not break to clean my faith
It will crumble, like dust, all at once.
Not even sunlight can banish the storms
The tempest that turns all it touches to what I abhor
Tributes of gold that flow from the trees;
Touching the sky to flame, to beauty
Nevertheless, my eyes protest
I do not see light. I do not see grace
A simple drive and what do I find?
Woman and child, together outside
God, they’re in agony!
Holding what’s left, someone’s final breaths
They weep, clad in flesh…
A blink and a jolt, I shudder
This is not a vigil.
Just chores. Elbows deep in a bag of mulch.
Whoa, what bitterness is this
Whose twisted thoughts have I trekked in?
Surely this darkness isn’t mine,
This want for aching, wasted time
Someday I’ll be solid, healed
Someday the nightmares won’t be there to steal
If the nights are silent, the days reveal
Endless screaming from the ones repealed
Some time night and day alike
Will toss their haunting-juggling storms
And all the worry and fear I despise