Whoa, what bitterness is this
Whose twisted thoughts have I trekked in?
Surely this darkness isn’t mine,
This want for aching, wasted time
Someday I’ll be solid, healed
Someday the nightmares won’t be there to steal
If the nights are silent, the days reveal
Endless screaming from the ones repealed
Some time night and day alike
Will toss their haunting-juggling storms
And all the worry and fear I despise
Can. I drift. Away. Someplace
Calling friends new and old
Can I float down every stairwell
Ever built, destroyed, or wrought to sell
Can I curl up inside my wretchedness
Among the thoughts that call me
Can I give in to the pounding rain
That floods my brain and calls my name
Can I let it drown me again?
Who will stop me if I let them in?
How hard is it to mend
A mind once bent and
Torn? Is it possible to sew
Each neural fabric, a mental
My mouth no longer allows a plea
A few eyes are all that’s left of me
Deathly primary shock, the ending freeze
Exquisite numbness is what will finish things.
Make someone a murderer. Distance yourself.
Each person ignores the ones they could help.
Dear one, knock!
Enter if you will.
Anybody sent by God
Does naught but bear goodwill.
How pleasant a task,
Every prisoner asks
“Let me go free! Absolved of all things!”
Poisoner or poisonee… we all need
Will I ever
Be happy? My payments never
Seem to end
I cannot seek the resting, because
My debt will not descend
Have not I paid the dues this earth
Has called us all to pay?
Have not my sufferings yet been sufficient
Been enough- for a lifetime- each day?
I will wait, Palms upward, feet aching and bruised
I will surrender my heartache and tremors and
I cannot see an end to this tunnel, nor a filling
Of my soul
Everything so empty now, I doubt
So I wait… in pain… and praise.
I am not a belonger in this place
I cannot imagine a berth in such space
My heart twists and yearns, the greediness turns
But nobody knows better than I-
This place was not meant for my mind-
I do not belong, I should continue to roam
I know this Feeling is not my home.
Emotions are fickle, they twist and they whine
They scratch at our faces and weep from our eyes
I know not to trust them, I know they are false
Like the hearth of this Emotion will never be a HOUSE.
I do not I do not I do not
If they call this a home, I will
Leave this sand for the stone.
The tiniest sliver is far too dark; a piece of my heart
Too sharp, too sharp
I cannot believe it, the words are a lie
Who would want someone as broken and dangerous as I?
Please let go now before I trust too much
Please walk away before I need you and you run
I find it hard to even want myself
So how could someone else,