Hope

Whoa, what bitterness is this

Whose twisted thoughts have I trekked in?

Surely this darkness isn’t mine,

This want for aching, wasted time

Someday I’ll be solid, healed

Someday the nightmares won’t be there to steal

If the nights are silent, the days reveal

Endless screaming from the ones repealed

Some time night and day alike

Will toss their haunting-juggling storms

Aside

And all the worry and fear I despise

Will finally

Entirely

Subside.

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Relent

Can. I drift. Away. Someplace

Calling friends new and old

Disgrace

Can I float down every stairwell

Ever built, destroyed, or wrought to sell

Can I curl up inside my wretchedness

Among the thoughts that call me

Worthless

Can I give in to the pounding rain

That floods my brain and calls my name

Can I let it drown me again?

Who will stop me if I let them in?

Citsorca

How hard is it to mend

A mind once bent and

Torn? Is it possible to sew

Each neural fabric, a mental

Storm?

My mouth no longer allows a plea

A few eyes are all that’s left of me

Deathly primary shock, the ending freeze

Exquisite numbness is what will finish things.

Make someone a murderer. Distance yourself.

Each person ignores the ones they could help.

Dear one, knock!

Enter if you will.

Anybody sent by God

Does naught but bear goodwill.

How pleasant a task,

Every prisoner asks

“Let me go free! Absolved of all things!”

Poisoner or poisonee… we all need

Miraculous, priceless

Eternal… cleansing.

P

L

E

A

S

E

.

Humility and sadness?

Will I ever

Be happy? My payments never

Seem to end

I cannot seek the resting, because

My debt will not descend

Have not I paid the dues this earth

Has called us all to pay?

Have not my sufferings yet been sufficient

Been enough- for a lifetime- each day?

I will wait, Palms upward, feet aching and bruised

I will surrender my heartache and tremors and

Abuse

I cannot see an end to this tunnel, nor a filling

Of my soul

Everything so empty now, I doubt

I’ll ever

Be full.

So I wait… in pain… and praise.

Home

I am not a belonger in this place

I cannot imagine a berth in such space

My heart twists and yearns, the greediness turns

But nobody knows better than I-

This place was not meant for my mind-

I do not belong, I should continue to roam

I know this Feeling is not my home.

Emotions are fickle, they twist and they whine

They scratch at our faces and weep from our eyes

I know not to trust them, I know they are false

Like the hearth of this Emotion will never be a HOUSE.

I do not I do not I do not

Belong.

Jealousypridegreedlustselfishness roams

If they call this a home, I will

Leave this sand for the stone.

Liability

The tiniest sliver is far too dark; a piece of my heart

Too sharp, too sharp

I cannot believe it, the words are a lie

Who would want someone as broken and dangerous as I?

Please let go now before I trust too much

Please walk away before I need you and you run

I find it hard to even want myself

So how could someone else,

someone else?