I am not a belonger in this place
I cannot imagine a berth in such space
My heart twists and yearns, the greediness turns
But nobody knows better than I-
This place was not meant for my mind-
I do not belong, I should continue to roam
I know this Feeling is not my home.
Emotions are fickle, they twist and they whine
They scratch at our faces and weep from our eyes
I know not to trust them, I know they are false
Like the hearth of this Emotion will never be a HOUSE.
I do not I do not I do not
If they call this a home, I will
Leave this sand for the stone.
There has been no thing lost
That He can not restore.
There will never be so high a cost
That He would not pay for.
You are covered and renewed
There is only freedom now for you.
i still pause every now and again, shocked
that anything should give me hesitation.
it still doesn’t quite make sense that
your unhappiness, even in the midst of my anger AT YOU,
should move me with such alarming strength.
never before have i been
unable to withhold reconciliation;
it was always a move of pity, never
one of love,
not like now, where my heart crumples if i cannot end the stony silence
and hold you.
For a while, there was no breath
Only a buzzing numbness in my chest
I could not expand my lungs, I could not deign to sigh
There was only the ache and a drowning behind my eyes
For a while, there was no rest
Only a tossing-thrashing-missing of you curled up was left
I could not turn away the grief, I could not move through the rain
There was only the sorrow and a drowning in my brain
For a while, there was no light
Only a cold and taunting blackness that expanded in the night
I could not face the shadows, I could not tame the screams
There was only the agony and a drowning in my dreams
For a while, there was no respite
Only an endless loop of your loss that plagued and scratched and bit
I could not last a day, I could not be strong without you
There was only the missing and a drowning of the truth
After a while, the healing started
And I could move among the broken stars.
I began to breathe and sleep and eat
And while the missing and drowning remain in part
They are not the only presence; nor the power that, absolute, reigns.
I miss you but you’ll never leave my heart
wander and grow, wonder and know
i’m building the spirit inside
my king and my light, my guide will decide
just what paths i will take through this life.
I feel watery today, unsure of myself, unable to
Bring the peace I crave so deep in my soul
Who will help me? Who will hold me?
Not this earth, not these
As lost as me
Is the only stillness
In this whirling chaos.
Sometimes the greatest poetry…
Rage, silent storm;
Is the absence of any.
The quiet, heavy ladled
Only over the story..
You would tell, but refuse.
Respect me, or I will blow your memory like dust into the wind.
You do not deserve any acknowledgment from my breath.