Judah

There is yet love in your heart; do not let it fade, let it fall

There is yet survival and patches of light

A place for the healing to start; in part

A consequence of what has been lost.

Do not fade, gentle one, in the waves of this passing

Do not shiver yourself out of your bones.

The crossing will pass and the passing will cross

itself into patterns – as of yet unknown.

This place is a journey, your steps are not hollow

The world is still firm ‘neath your feet.

You do not walk solemn… awaken and follow

The Lion who beckons you –

To be free.

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water-walking

I wander through unknowns, shivering valleys and deeper lows

My dreams reflect the darkness new- but somehow light is shimmering too

I find myself awash in breath, a consolation in the land of death…

What waits beyond I do not know. A lonely hall dipping dark and low. I will not find what I expect-

But the Lion of Judah, prowling ahead.

Love conquers a multitude of sins

Once there was a boy. He was alright. He thought he knew what he wanted in life, but for some reason, everything just left him empty. Over time, things got worse. He was hurt many times by many people, even his own family.

The boy became very broken.

There was also a girl. She was alright. Death came for her a few times, but she lived. She thrived, and God placed his blessing on her. She was favored. But favor doesn’t mean everything is easy. The girl suffered a lot. She faced many trials. God never left her. And he allowed the suffering to leave its mark- as its mark was the shadow left behind by all the times she had been delivered. No suffering, no miracle.

So she was very broken too.

The boy and the girl met. They fell in love. Against many odds they built something, and it was mostly good. They treated each other well. They sacrificed for each other. They wanted to see the best and the most beautiful of each other.

The girl sought to help heal the boy, and the boy sought to help heal the girl.

But darkness from the past wasn’t done with the girl or the boy. It showed up many times, in many ways. It was a complicated and painful relationship from the beginning. They faced many trials. And they grew through many trials. And many trials were faced together that would have been near impossible alone.

And however much, their faith grew.

Time passed and the growing slowed. It even began to crumble. It was no longer a place of healing. The girl and the boy were not quite strong enough to give their best to each other. Pain and distrust and panic were destroying the goodness they’d built.

So, tears flooding freely, all other escapes exhausted, they said goodbye…

And God said this was crucial for the boy’s faith. The girl, still in agony, tried to be comforted by this. He told the girl not to fear the giants in life.

He told the girl to remember his promise- that he always finishes what he starts.

So the girl is praying and waiting and hoping. She knows it will get better, and the crippling-pain will cease, and the agonizing emptiness clawing a nest inside her will be chased away one day. She is stubbornly and insistently praising the Creator, remembering his promise:

I will finish what I started in you.

The girl knows that God isn’t done with the boy, either.

The giants will fall.

Home

I am not a belonger in this place

I cannot imagine a berth in such space

My heart twists and yearns, the greediness turns

But nobody knows better than I-

This place was not meant for my mind-

I do not belong, I should continue to roam

I know this Feeling is not my home.

Emotions are fickle, they twist and they whine

They scratch at our faces and weep from our eyes

I know not to trust them, I know they are false

Like the hearth of this Emotion will never be a HOUSE.

I do not I do not I do not

Belong.

Jealousypridegreedlustselfishness roams

If they call this a home, I will

Leave this sand for the stone.

make-up

i still pause every now and again, shocked

that anything should give me hesitation.

it still doesn’t quite make sense that

your unhappiness, even in the midst of my anger AT YOU,

should move me with such alarming strength.

 

never before have i been

unable to withhold reconciliation;

it was always a move of pity, never

one of love,

not like now, where my heart crumples if i cannot end the stony silence

and hold you.

loss

For a while, there was no breath
Only a buzzing numbness in my chest
I could not expand my lungs, I could not deign to sigh
There was only the ache and a drowning behind my eyes

For a while, there was no rest
Only a tossing-thrashing-missing of you curled up was left
I could not turn away the grief, I could not move through the rain
There was only the sorrow and a drowning in my brain

For a while, there was no light
Only a cold and taunting blackness that expanded in the night
I could not face the shadows, I could not tame the screams
There was only the agony and a drowning in my dreams

For a while, there was no respite
Only an endless loop of your loss that plagued and scratched and bit
I could not last a day, I could not be strong without you
There was only the missing and a drowning of the truth

After a while, the healing started
And I could move among the broken stars.

I began to breathe and sleep and eat
And while the missing and drowning remain in part
They are not the only presence; nor the power that, absolute, reigns.

I miss you but you’ll never leave my heart