Lungfuls

Half full of water, lapping

Clogging up my breath

There is a tide inside me.

It’s drowning out my brain… how to breathe?

It’s filling me

Each breath, choking

Sloshing lungs

Am I still asleep?

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Not about me

At most, my pain diminishes me

I feel small, I feel nothing

I feel the nothing pulling me in

I know its name, its harmonies well up

They pour out of my eyes and stain my life

At best, the pain underscores the why

Without agony there is no joy.

Keep

The daylight is here and my fear

Should be gone

The darkness, like mist

Evaporates from the lawn

My star-gazing, sugar-cubes

Flung in the sky

The current of pain where the Milky Way lies

I should be whole and peaceful and still

Instead I choose tumult

and mudslicks, and the pills I abhor;

My hands gleefully wretched with dark oil-spills.

Let my heart still and stir the river no more.

Rain

What glittering light-beams shower my skin;

What hopeful rays descend again.

For once, at last, the shimmer stays;

Its floating fingers glimmer and play.

They curl my hair into ribbons and rain

I reach up, smiling, showered in grace,

And let the warmth of joy remain.

feast

Let spill the sizzling hilt of sword

that dams your flooding blood with steel

the lapping blade, its greedy stains

which bring the coping rain.

 

My vision blurs, I sink and swirl

and every cell within.

my poison will never win

I vomit ink to cure the meat

of pages of empty sin.

 

Make me a steak of refusal-fate

and I’ll spit in my hand and grin.

I’ll slay whatever filthy hound

would cut my bile with gin.

 

I don’t know who I am when all these wordlets nip my skin

Sharp stalking scissor-stress
Hot with fever, tracing my mess
The bile pushes at my lungs 
The sorrow wedges itself deeper in my blood

Veins that tighten and push nausea instead of red
I feel the sickness swirling through my matter
Each cell a slice of pain and confusion 
CUT ME UP AND SERVE THEM ON A PLATTER