i see a beautiful tree, leaves
tumbling from its boughs
outstretched limbs, relief in letting go
a burden never meant to carry
she lets the breeze
borrow the load;
she lets the river
carry off her sorrow.
each crumbling memory
no longer rooted in pain
an autumn death which
brings renewal and
I did not think I could be knocked down again
But time and again now I have found
Myself near edge of being drowned
Taught this well, re-instructed and blessed
Learn-ed by life’s patient fists.
I keep my face above the waves
Just barely, by effort of prayer and strain
Like sand through an hourglass.
Someday my buoyancy won’t last.
I simply want to peruse the view
Circle ’round the vultures, catch the pieces they strew.
A syllable here, a vowel or two,
The cannibalized chunks of the wording we do.
I’m waiting for permission, but they’re circling lower
They don’t want to share
And that’s fair
But I’m starving.
I just want to feel again
Something other than waiting or suspense
Let me remember joy without tears
Give me the patience of love without fear
I’m full beyond empty with courage and loss
What sense does it make – Love,
heartbreak’s highest cost?
Now I wonder when I’ll feel like I’m breathing again
Is it wrong to identify the transitioning seasons
While you live them?
Will I someday stop coping and start
We sometimes want what will not help…
We seek the lights that will melt our hands
Fingers stretching to touch the gold;
Grasping flames not meant to hold…
We sometimes trust what is always wrong…
Freeing floods deeper than our souls,
Lamenting as we cannot float
Cries for mercy cut off by mill-stones
We trap ourselves then weep for home.
Not even sunlight can banish the storms
The tempest that turns all it touches to what I abhor
Tributes of gold that flow from the trees;
Touching the sky to flame, to beauty
Nevertheless, my eyes protest
I do not see light. I do not see grace
A simple drive and what do I find?
Woman and child, together outside
God, they’re in agony!
Holding what’s left, someone’s final breaths
They weep, clad in flesh…
A blink and a jolt, I shudder
This is not a vigil.
Just chores. Elbows deep in a bag of mulch.
Whoa, what bitterness is this
Whose twisted thoughts have I trekked in?
Surely this darkness isn’t mine,
This want for aching, wasted time
Someday I’ll be solid, healed
Someday the nightmares won’t be there to steal
If the nights are silent, the days reveal
Endless screaming from the ones repealed
Some time night and day alike
Will toss their haunting-juggling storms
And all the worry and fear I despise