Let spill the sizzling hilt of sword
that dams your flooding blood with steel
the lapping blade, its greedy stains
which bring the coping rain.
My vision blurs, I sink and swirl
and every cell within.
my poison will never win
I vomit ink to cure the meat
of pages of empty sin.
Make me a steak of refusal-fate
and I’ll spit in my hand and grin.
I’ll slay whatever filthy hound
would cut my bile with gin.
I don’t know who I am when all these wordlets nip my skin
I have forgotten how to be afraid
The star-bursts cannot sting or break
Their lightning slides off every wound.
I no longer give my heart
To fire-walkers, chaos-stars
My blood-beat burns alone.
I am on my own
Sharp stalking scissor-stress
Hot with fever, tracing my mess
The bile pushes at my lungs
The sorrow wedges itself deeper in my blood
Veins that tighten and push nausea instead of red
I feel the sickness swirling through my matter
Each cell a slice of pain and confusion
CUT ME UP AND SERVE THEM ON A PLATTER
the deep undying echo in my heart and soul decides
just who i love, and how strongly
how low the current drags me and how acidic the teardrops fall
i look back at your emptiness and the agony is o v e r w h e l m i n g
i want to hold you and purge it all
I don’t think I know anyone
All hearts are foreign to me
Have I ever even loved? Have I ever set someone free
Why do my heartbeats echo just to hurt the ones I need
I’ve fought a thousand battles trying to find you, searching for some infinite desire that would anchor me to another
I found nothing and no one
Just shadows full of twinkling promise,
Remnants of love; so I kept looking
And I discovered strength instead of companionship.
Dignity instead of desire.
Joy in place of longing.
And I am free of binding chains; now I search languidly, with expectation
what do I breathe
This mess of fog and disease
I beat my wings to cut through the smog
But instead, hearts around me bleed.
Who am I and
Why can’t I help
Why can’t I let this love