It feels so strange.
For so long I have sought disconnection, relief
Thinking the land turned about me
Now new soil greets my feet, an ocean’s expanse
And still the churning – thrashing – burning
No matter how I flee I cannot escape the bleed
No matter where I run I am seen by the
How can I heal? Will this ever cease? Please let me find some
I do not need to make all things so real
In an effort to anchor, I let everything
It’s crazy, it subdues
How can one person bear the weight of a billion wrongs?
How can two trembling hands
count the words of endless songs?
Two bony shoulders cannot straighten under the weight
Of every single human beings’ worst moment and mistake.
I must stop anchoring myself to loss
To suffering, and breakage, and torment without cause.
What business have I to empathize
With every one at once?
If I do not break to clean my faith
It will crumble, like dust, all at once.
Whoa, what bitterness is this
Whose twisted thoughts have I trekked in?
Surely this darkness isn’t mine,
This want for aching, wasted time
Someday I’ll be solid, healed
Someday the nightmares won’t be there to steal
If the nights are silent, the days reveal
Endless screaming from the ones repealed
Some time night and day alike
Will toss their haunting-juggling storms
And all the worry and fear I despise
Can. I drift. Away. Someplace
Calling friends new and old
Can I float down every stairwell
Ever built, destroyed, or wrought to sell
Can I curl up inside my wretchedness
Among the thoughts that call me
Can I give in to the pounding rain
That floods my brain and calls my name
Can I let it drown me again?
Who will stop me if I let them in?
How hard is it to mend
A mind once bent and
Torn? Is it possible to sew
Each neural fabric, a mental
My mouth no longer allows a plea
A few eyes are all that’s left of me
Deathly primary shock, the ending freeze
Exquisite numbness is what will finish things.
Make someone a murderer. Distance yourself.
Each person ignores the ones they could help.
Dear one, knock!
Enter if you will.
Anybody sent by God
Does naught but bear goodwill.
How pleasant a task,
Every prisoner asks
“Let me go free! Absolved of all things!”
Poisoner or poisonee… we all need
Who doesn’t, won’t, and wants to be
Could I, would we, sweet disease
Want a new dollar, a shiny time-piece?
Me and my people can never be free.
As I sit still and the dripping-day starts
I cannot see past the daylight’s bright heart.
Am I a fool, or just on my own?
?Will you come to free me or leave me in stone?
I still think about you, wonder if my veins will ever forget
The way your hand felt pressed against my chest
how soft your skin was, how unreal the red seemed
Painted on his gloves, it weaves through my dreams
I have not tasted sleep since the night you came my way
I have not faced a dreamless land since the horror of that day
Every sundown, nightmares come to wriggle in my mind
I do not rest, I only wait
In agony for sunrise.