Self-inflicted

What, of course, the acid burns my chest

The ice cubes melt my rest

I feel sick and dark instead

Colors blur my blood-beat, dead

The shadows bleed deep in my veins

I know now why my heartbeat strains

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I’ve fought a thousand battles trying to find you, searching for some infinite desire that would anchor me to another

I found nothing and no one

Only dust. 

Just shadows full of twinkling promise,
Remnants of love; so I kept looking
And I discovered strength instead of companionship. 

Dignity instead of desire. 

Joy
in place of longing. 
And I am free of binding chains; now I search languidly, with expectation

Instead

Of desperation.
 

An unrequested love poem

It’s moments when I’m doing homework way too late at night, and worship music is playing softly in the background,

And I glancingly think about how I’m not having lunch with you tomorrow because it’s a Wednesday, not a Tuesday or a Thursday,

And there’s this twinge inside and the Thought just rudely pushes past my mental barriers,

Announcing itself and settling and sending its inky self-assured fingers into my heart, where I feel its strength resonate

And I drop my pen and look up and out the dark frosted window in shock, looking for who said those words which pronounced themselves so clearly in my mind, 

but there is only my worn reflection staring back, like the words echoed defiantly out of some faded inner conscious where poems are born and die. 

“I love him.”

So I shake myself and write some shadowy half-formed unfair sentiment about this gripping proclamation

And then I wearily lift a thermometer to my ear and check my temperature once more 

before continuing to copy down my calculus homework from the textbook, unburdened. 

broken poem

Utterly alone

Bleeding and broken and lashed with hatred, shame
Laughed at and mocked in the darkest of hours
As even father looked away.

Scorned and forgotten, abandoned by all
More alone than anyone has ever been.

Yet we cry out after a moment of darkness, a second of fear
We cannot stand to face the shadows on our own
you, You died in solitude to grant us a reprieve from the night
i cannot fathom how blessed i am to know this age, where you are so close and graceful
so kind and gentle
i know one day you will judge us all and i am NOT ENOUGH
I SCREAM THIS TRUTH, THE AGONY TORN FROM MY LUNGS WITH ALL ITS THORNS
YOU ARE A L L THAT I HAVE

AND YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH

thank you …