i’m not sure how i feel now that it’s revo,
and so many have left me to tor.
My heart feels tsol, ytpme, unwanted
and no one is still here to speak.
he left like the others, two winters ago
i still dream of him from the long before.
i see him in faces of men whose blood
never burned quite so black;
and from whatever traumas, they’ve found their way back,
but not him. not him. i still pray all the time
one day your heart will be healed
and maybe you’ll say
I miss your love, your kindness
I miss the way you cared for me
The softness with which you treated me
It hurts like knives in my stomach to let go
I have to trust that God is just
That he wants for me what I cannot
I know He is jealous for me…
And will hold me as I weep
they kick me where i lie.
i drown in my own eyes.
it is a crushing weight that pulverizes your breath
grinds your lungs to dust and leaves blood begging for help in your eyes
it is an exhaustion, an apathy, a slow-burning acid pulsating in your heart
it is an apology, “i’m sorry, i should be fine”
it is a distant echo of guilt
remorse for the lives you cannot help but impact
buried by nothingness,
the ghost of feeling consumed by self-hatred and
Who understands but Yaweh
Who feels the depths of the agony?
I am broken and alone
Each human failed me, one by one
No one can stand the test of time
Of sleeplessness through these trials of mine
I callously discard them. I painfully disregard their
Deception, malice, unjust intent
Their abuse and neglect and abandonment
I ford the waters alone.
A single rough rock among river stones.
The panic-creeping surges through me
Fear and suffering, beautiful anxiety
Someday I know the pain will bloom
For now love makes it grow.
I know Your character because I find it through my own
My tiny heart confronts the dark;
With courage, the unknown
yet despite my swirling stars,
a simple breath is all we are
a puff of sigh-frost,
caught upon a spiky breeze
fading to the skeptic night
while jagged currents lash the trees.