Sdrawkcab

i’m not sure how i feel now that it’s revo,

and so many have left me to tor.

My heart feels tsol, ytpme, unwanted

and no one is still here to speak.

 

he left like the others, two winters ago

i still dream of him from the long before.

i see him in faces of men whose blood

never burned quite so black;

and from whatever traumas, they’ve found their way back,

but not him. not him. i still pray all the time

one day your heart will be healed

and maybe you’ll say

hello again

to mine.

Jealous love

I miss your love, your kindness

Gentleness

And Peace

I miss the way you cared for me

The softness with which you treated me

It hurts like knives in my stomach to let go

I have to trust that God is just

That he wants for me what I cannot

Even

Fathom

I know He is jealous for me…

And will hold me as I weep

what is Depressed?

it is a crushing weight that pulverizes your breath

grinds your lungs to dust and leaves blood begging for help in your eyes

it is an exhaustion, an apathy, a slow-burning acid pulsating in your heart

it is an apology, “i’m sorry, i should be fine”

it is a distant echo of guilt

remorse for the lives you cannot help but impact

buried by nothingness,

the ghost of feeling consumed by self-hatred and

absolute

emptiness

Refinement

Who understands but Yaweh
Who feels the depths of the agony?

I am broken and alone
Each human failed me, one by one
No one can stand the test of time
Of sleeplessness through these trials of mine

I callously discard them. I painfully disregard their
Deception, malice, unjust intent
Their abuse and neglect and abandonment

I ford the waters alone.
A single rough rock among river stones.