it is a crushing weight that pulverizes your breath
grinds your lungs to dust and leaves blood begging for help in your eyes
it is an exhaustion, an apathy, a slow-burning acid pulsating in your heart
it is an apology, “i’m sorry, i should be fine”
it is a distant echo of guilt
remorse for the lives you cannot help but impact
buried by nothingness,
the ghost of feeling consumed by self-hatred and
The runners keep stumbling, their knees torn and red
The rhythms in my head forgot
they were dead
Though my irises tangle and blur up my thoughts
I’ll keep up this singing til the death-dancers stop.
Return me, wild confidence
I beckon from the wind.
Let go my fierce uncaring eyes
And their soulful fighting grin.
It’s moments when I’m doing homework way too late at night, and worship music is playing softly in the background,
And I glancingly think about how I’m not having lunch with you tomorrow because it’s a Wednesday, not a Tuesday or a Thursday,
And there’s this twinge inside and the Thought just rudely pushes past my mental barriers,
Announcing itself and settling and sending its inky self-assured fingers into my heart, where I feel its strength resonate
And I drop my pen and look up and out the dark frosted window in shock, looking for who said those words which pronounced themselves so clearly in my mind,
but there is only my worn reflection staring back, like the words echoed defiantly out of some faded inner conscious where poems are born and die.
“I love him.”
So I shake myself and write some shadowy half-formed unfair sentiment about this gripping proclamation
And then I wearily lift a thermometer to my ear and check my temperature once more
before continuing to copy down my calculus homework from the textbook, unburdened.
Perfection cannot thrive here
And shadows still will dance
So I will breathe in the good and bad
And let the mixture be romance.
Do not wonder if the stars are true
Or if my heart is yet to leave
I will not wander away from you
Unless you first let go of me.
My thoughts of you are so vivid at times
I turn to speak, and to my surprise
You were never there at all.
What am I but a collection of
Mysteries and blood?
Someone thinks, I’ll unravel her,
Encompassing my worth.
I encase my own identity
Cause the curious-mongering
It’s in the way my veins decide
To sway and dip with the ocean’s tides.
Curl up inside my bones
Find the chips and cracks.
Realize I’m nothing more
Than a flesh-and-bloodied sack.
I’m not the girl with silver teeth
Who throws her head back and laughs.
I am the girl whose skin is deep
Which fissures when I bask.
We write to still the waves that break us up deep inside
We write to mourn the lives of those who’ve gone so long ago
With every rhyme I say goodbye
To someone I never knew;
With every word I don’t deserve
To breathe while others bleed.
I hate my human skin
For the evils it’s witnessed
I hate my perfect eyes
For their clarity of sight
I hate my strong young bones
For their ability to fight
I hate the fact that I can afford
To cry over foolish boys
While men turned sour from hate and power
Destroy such precious lives.
I hate us all, I want the evil
To be imprisoned in their own bones
But love calls me to set healing free
And so my prayers encircle the world.
Dilute the night with their calm;
And the storm clouds roll
Through the chasms of earth
That crack against the dawn.
Intangible colors that seem so far away
They sweep through shores of littered minds
And leave behind words to say.
It is quite the splendid constellation
When all our thoughts align;
And finally, more fought for than won
We know ourselves inside.
Hair in its curls and twists
And thin faces
With eyes accentuated by beautiful lips.
High cheek bones
And sharp jaw lines
And thin fingers and long toes
Or so I thought.
Because I met you
And your hair is straight
And your face is not sculpted like mine.
Just like mine, though
Your fingers are thick.
Calloused from working
And perfect for holding.
I do not know why
Everything I professed to like
No longer matters
Because your face is my favorite
I light up with your eyes
I did not know how much I loved
The way eyes crinkle when the soul is full of joy
But then I finally met you
And you rewrote what I knew.