Hope

Whoa, what bitterness is this

Whose twisted thoughts have I trekked in?

Surely this darkness isn’t mine,

This want for aching, wasted time

Someday I’ll be solid, healed

Someday the nightmares won’t be there to steal

If the nights are silent, the days reveal

Endless screaming from the ones repealed

Some time night and day alike

Will toss their haunting-juggling storms

Aside

And all the worry and fear I despise

Will finally

Entirely

Subside.

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one line from each love poem i wrote (july 2017-january 2019)

i scream and claw at Heart

EACH NIGHTDARK WHISPERS HATING-THINGS

I want to take back what I didn’t say

The gnawing grows wider and I cannot quench the fire

I love but I cannot give in

let me hold your pain and fire, let me feel the lightning in your eyes

i cannot let this… exist

You pulled me up to dance

He filled my veins with shadow

Love cannot hurt me more than silence

The relief I feel

“You either feel it or you don’t.”

But the lyrics flew and caught my heart

You spoke in whispers and sunlight

When brown meets green. The trees

i seek absolution from the starrer of the skies

my starving heart desires.

I can feel the sunrays healing

Love is the warrior facing this fear.

What is this uncertainty

But the highs are so windy, so brightly sharp over the city

But I will lift my voice above the roar

Felt this familiar, comforting

Don’t let him know his eyes invade your waking nights and dreaming days

Someday I will kiss you again

And let the warmth of joy remain.

I am good

I discover, endless summer

She left and part of me went to sleep

I held fast to the loneliness grinding my bones.

But my heartbeat trails behind.

I lost everyone I need.

Too late

Impossible to deny.

We climb the clouds like ladders as we sing our praising songs

I call for a name that no longer exists.

I will simply call it a night

Elohim Shama, I want to listen as well as I’m heard.

When will this grief stop its roaming, and settle

How can I fight? I am weary

Verde, verde, me duele el corazón

I will not give in to the shadows or the bleeding.

I know who you were, and who you made me, and how you kept the loneliness at bay for so many

You are gone, and no life will replace you.

I feel small, I feel nothing

And you are still dead;

I do not want to live in a bubble of pain

You are the only reason I still sing

My king and my light, my guide will decide

and solitude is no longer a curse

But you are gone. Each new breath, empty morning

I no longer want to roam

I wish I knew how to leave the ledge but I know I cannot fly

For a while, in the dark, you’ll have never died.

I close my eyes and see demise

“it’s complicated.”

I know I am in love

My dear, I’m wholly in love with your rhetoric.

 

gap

Sometimes the greatest poetry…

Rage, silent storm;

Is the absence of any.

The quiet, heavy ladled

Only over the story..

Power un-endowed.

You would tell, but refuse.

Respect me, or I will blow your memory like dust into the wind.

You do not deserve any acknowledgment from my breath.

endings

they are sad. they are also new. people think about the brokenness of endings, the loss of potential. but endings are as new as presents on Christmas day. they are unseen, unheard, unknown. they are new to me and to you and new to everyone who experiences them. and an ending allows you to breathe and start fresh. it lets you let go of past mistakes while holding on to past joys, past successes. it lets you live and let live. endings are new so that beginnings can be steady. endings are the foundation of the next step. they are the fear and terror of night with all the promise of beauty at the sunrise. they are necessary. and utterly remarkable. and so terribly new.