Father, it weighs heavy on me
The numbness of this world
My soul is caught twixt earth and stone;
I’m not sure who I’m supposed to be.
I write, but no one cares to read
I call, but there is no answering
Someday I may settle this flighty breeze
But for now…
each current pulls silently.
it still hits me like deep chills,
wind that flows in my bones, without any right to frost my skin
yet it does, it does
the tantalizing taste of life, the lightning-bolt-belief of light
i feel as though no one has lived before me,
how could any exist in this same place
without crumbling into dust?
I swear my intensity is unmatched
i promise the iron that crystallizes in my blood is unmet by predecessors
who are you to challenge me? i can’t even breathe
this place is foreign and i will blink until the sun sets on
all these wasted words.
Let spill the sizzling hilt of sword
that dams your flooding blood with steel
the lapping blade, its greedy stains
which bring the coping rain.
My vision blurs, I sink and swirl
and every cell within.
my poison will never win
I vomit ink to cure the meat
of pages of empty sin.
Make me a steak of refusal-fate
and I’ll spit in my hand and grin.
I’ll slay whatever filthy hound
would cut my bile with gin.
I don’t know who I am when all these wordlets nip my skin
I am learning, step by step
The key to pausing is to hold your breath
The way to jump is by falling real fast,
You can only run if you don’t look back.
Uncertain future, tumbling past
I will not shrink back, I will not relax
Shivering memories, glittering dreams
Someday I’ll steal myself some peace.
My teeth clack loudly for attention
My tongue clicks to be heard.
I yawn, and each ear pops its knuckles
Ready for a brawl.
Ah! I propagate such worthless states
I kindle hearts with eating-haste
I sip the silver lip of eyes
The gourds of flame, of fire and ice
I whirl the spinning and purloin their stares
I whistle and whip up the ferryman’s wares
I catch my breath on the current of thought
And my oil-slick heart bleeds — a lot.