Self inflicted

We sometimes want what will not help…

We seek the lights that will melt our hands

Fingers stretching to touch the gold;

Grasping flames not meant to hold…

We sometimes trust what is always wrong…

Freeing floods deeper than our souls,

Lamenting as we cannot float

Cries for mercy cut off by mill-stones

We trap ourselves then weep for home.

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Low tide

I can feel myself
Healing, growing, and learning
It is a blessing.

Though I am not sure
What is changing within me;
Chaos is fleeing.

For the first time in
A painfully long nightmare
I can breathe freely.

There is not any
Panic blossoming within
Just a warm, slow peace.

Such slowness is rare
In my life it has been few;
I will consume it.

Steady, soft, complete
My heartbeat returns to me
Where it always was.

Release

It feels so strange.

For so long I have sought disconnection, relief

Thinking the land turned about me

Now new soil greets my feet, an ocean’s expanse

And still the churning – thrashing – burning

No matter how I flee I cannot escape the bleed

No matter where I run I am seen by the

Same

Knowing

Sun

How can I heal? Will this ever cease? Please let me find some

Semblance

Of peace

Real?

Not even sunlight can banish the storms

The tempest that turns all it touches to what I abhor

Tributes of gold that flow from the trees;

Touching the sky to flame, to beauty

Nevertheless, my eyes protest

I do not see light. I do not see grace

A simple drive and what do I find?

Woman and child, together outside

God, they’re in agony!

Holding what’s left, someone’s final breaths

They weep, clad in flesh…

A blink and a jolt, I shudder

Reality returns?

This is not a vigil.

Just chores. Elbows deep in a bag of mulch.

Hope

Whoa, what bitterness is this

Whose twisted thoughts have I trekked in?

Surely this darkness isn’t mine,

This want for aching, wasted time

Someday I’ll be solid, healed

Someday the nightmares won’t be there to steal

If the nights are silent, the days reveal

Endless screaming from the ones repealed

Some time night and day alike

Will toss their haunting-juggling storms

Aside

And all the worry and fear I despise

Will finally

Entirely

Subside.

Relent

Can. I drift. Away. Someplace

Calling friends new and old

Disgrace

Can I float down every stairwell

Ever built, destroyed, or wrought to sell

Can I curl up inside my wretchedness

Among the thoughts that call me

Worthless

Can I give in to the pounding rain

That floods my brain and calls my name

Can I let it drown me again?

Who will stop me if I let them in?