broken poem

Utterly alone

Bleeding and broken and lashed with hatred, shame
Laughed at and mocked in the darkest of hours
As even father looked away.

Scorned and forgotten, abandoned by all
More alone than anyone has ever been.

Yet we cry out after a moment of darkness, a second of fear
We cannot stand to face the shadows on our own
you, You died in solitude to grant us a reprieve from the night
i cannot fathom how blessed i am to know this age, where you are so close and graceful
so kind and gentle
i know one day you will judge us all and i am NOT ENOUGH
I SCREAM THIS TRUTH, THE AGONY TORN FROM MY LUNGS WITH ALL ITS THORNS
YOU ARE A L L THAT I HAVE

AND YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH

thank you …

Lord Jesus keep reminding me

That I am not a word;

Nay, not even a sentence

Or a collection of worried breath.
Say it to me again and again

Tell me the worth I have within

I am finding it hard to focus

When the world costs so much to be in. 
Not ‘Christian’ or ‘human’ or ‘lover’ or ‘friend’,

Not ‘person’ or ‘purpose’ or ‘pathetic’ or ‘pretty’. 

I am not words, I am not phrases

More so than ‘me’ 

I am an example of the one true King’s grace and majesty. 

do

do you understand me?

Or do I bare my teeth in vain,

Doomed to be perceived

A senseless beast, a smashed up bit of machinery that cannot function

Properly?

Do you see past the darkness that attempts to hide me

Or does it succeed in blinding you?

I bleed shadows from the world’s rancid breath

And I cough up silken rotten words of soul-sickness and death. 

Please do not be afraid

Come closer to me,

I am gifted to see the world’s pain and weep 

But my soul must purge itself in order to breathe. 

Who am I

The insecurity came back again
And dealt its glancing blow
Deep inside my heart and mind
I felt the beauty go

It left behind a gnawing ache
A vulnerable question
That bit into a broken place
Worthlessness its intention

I must step back and shake my head
Acknowledge nothing of the type
I am me because my God above
Crafted lovingly the soul inside

Worth is not who validates me or why
It’s not beauty or the lack thereof
Patiently I must deny the lie
That I am found in earthly love

Rather I seek to know my worth
Through knowing Jesus more
Tears will well, as insecurity hurts
But my God will throw it out the door.