I am good for nothing else
Riddled with agony, an aching mess
Of cuts and gaping wounds, trauma and
Just threaded together, barely, by the strings of your grace.
Nobody can know me as You do, so I burn to know you
When the tidal wave of nothingness climbs its way into my lungs
There is nobody to give me breath except for you, King
You are the only reason I still sing
I feel watery today, unsure of myself, unable to
Bring the peace I crave so deep in my soul
Who will help me? Who will hold me?
Not this earth, not these
As lost as me
Is the only stillness
In this whirling chaos.
Felt warmth at my back, and fell asleep
Thinking, in a moment of late, exhaustion-induced confusion, that it was you.
But sunlight, and morning
Broke the truth
It was only the cat, curled up at my back.
And you are still dead;
You are still dead.
I feel like if I push you hard enough
And I’ll be
Back where I belong
Half full of water, lapping
Clogging up my breath
There is a tide inside me.
It’s drowning out my brain… how to breathe?
It’s filling me
Each breath, choking
Am I still asleep?
At most, my pain diminishes me
I feel small, I feel nothing
I feel the nothing pulling me in
I know its name, its harmonies well up
They pour out of my eyes and stain my life
At best, the pain underscores the why
Without agony there is no joy.
Why haven’t you come home yet?
Your pictures lie to me, the life in them misleading
I see your face and patiently wait for you to come bounding through the door.
But they lie, they lie;
You are gone, and no life will replace you.