I turn to you only

When I am most alone;

And yet you accept me still. 

Thank You (God),

That I am not master of my own fate.

I would Wreck myself so badly

And destroy my life entirely

Until only ash remained. 

Thank God (You),

That I am in your hands. 

On the path laid for your plans. 

I rest in peace with you. 

without saying a word

I watch the stupid checkered shirts that look so good on you disappear down the way

Dark hair lost in the crowd

Part of my heart goes to sleep when you leave; a pint of my blood that will never bleed. 

And I want to remember

With every fiber of my stupid useless heart

That day you were around,

I was near;

You marched straight through the crowd 

and wrapped your arms around me

No words

No greeting

Just arms and contact and an exclamation from me,

Asking if you were alright

Because you never hug anyone. 

And I cherish that night —

when you opened up your heart to me

Without ever saying anything at all. 

Terribly silent ‘I love you’

I can never, ever tell you

That your dark eyes make me smile;

Or that

I ache when I see you

For want of some way to 

Be near  ;

That I want to take care of you

And hold you but keep my distance,

And love you and teach you to love,

All at once,

Always,

All at once. 

I cannot help but feel that tugging aching breaking inside,

Like a fatal, blinding light

Has somehow found a way to shine

Inside my bones. 

Watching you walk away

Always out of reach. 

I want to make things easier for you

Shoulder those burdens

But I can’t. 

It’s never going to be right. 

So I must sadly smile

And turn away,

Always glancing back 

to make sure you’re safe. 

It HURTS

Please, please

Don’t let them stay there!

Don’t let them writhe in agony

Forever. 

I don’t care what they’ve done— we’re all filthy sinners

Ragged and wretched, enraged

You clean us and mend us because we ask,

But they do not know! Do not truly understand!

How could You let them stay there, forever, bones full of twitching flame, screams wrought of iron and pain?

I am entranced with words, and

The anguish for their souls

Dies within me to a glowing cinder 

Inside the ribs which curl around my heart. 

Wreaths of smoke

Wisp away 

As the flesh burns, in pain

For souls it will never touch. 

You gave me words to fight the fear

To control the sympathy that threatens to flood my lungs and drown me

I am petrified in anguish at the thought of a single soul

Forever separated from You;

Yea, and I cannot fathom how much worse the pain is

for You, Father God. 

No More

Be still little daughter

The time for tears has passed. 

Let the shaking sobbing stop

Let the tears collide no more

I’ve given you a brand new heart

and I have so much else in store. 

My heart is for you, I’ve filled you with my Spirit

Please stop crying, darling, there’s nothing you could ever do on earth 

or its heavens 

to earn it. 

Set your sorrow a grave

I’ve dug it deep and well 

You’ll see these tears no more, my dear

I’ve sent them far beyond the waves. 

Please, little one

Come lay your head on my shoulder 

Your sobs cannot hurt me

This flood of sorrow is but a single drop in my hands. 

Thank you, precious lamb. Rest now for all you’ve let go, and let sleep 

restore 

your tired soul. 

Summer

I long for golden months

Tinged with the sweet stretch of aching muscles;

Unbroken by scholastic 

worries. 

I long so that my heart becomes narrow, for straining —

I long for newborn light 

To clothe me in bronze,

And grace the broken skin on my torso

Scarred

Revealed softly by the curvature of suits

Meant for water.